Well Selena, you crazy meth head ALLEGEDLY you. Ya did it. Selena Gomez’s lupus 2018 tour has officially convinced people that it’s not a fake disease celebs use to score prescription painkillers and cover up their tit jobs and drug overdoses. Allegedly. How do I know this? Because while innocently riding my bike through Chicago, I looked up at the Blue Cross Blue Shield building to see that their message de jour is “END LUPUS.” Pretty easy to do since it doesn’t exist.
Apparently May is Lupus Awareness Month, which A) seems a little too conveniently-timed for Gomez’s hit lupus tour and B) I guess is catchier than Attention Whore Awareness Month. Anyway there’s no point to this except for that now I must obviously move. And of course, let’s all say it together, lupus doesn’t exist. And if you tell us in the comments that your mom or whatever died of lupus we’ll all know the truth. She was a hooker drug addict.
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