Here’s a rule of thumb. And this applies to everyone besides Sarah Silverman, so listen up. If an otherwise platonic friend asks to blow his dick wad in front of you, have either a serious heart-to-heart about your friend’s mental state, question the signals you give off to your friends, or run for the goddamn hills. Again, this hot tip of the day doesn’t apply to Sarah Silverman, who just admitted to Howard Stern that she often acquiesced when her comedy BFF Louis C.K. asked for permission to fish around in his FUPA juices for his dick before rubbing one out in front of her horny face:
I’ve known Louis forever, I’m not making excuses for him, so please don’t take this that way. We are peers. We are equals. When we were kids, and he asked if he could masturbate in front of me, sometimes I’d go, ‘F— yeah I want to see that!’ … It’s not analogous to the other women that are talking about what he did to them. He could offer me nothing. We were only just friends. So sometimes, yeah, I wanted to see it, it was amazing. Sometimes I would say, ‘F—ing no, gross,’ and we got pizza.
“It was amazing?” You were sexually assaulted, you dumb bitch. Wonder how many times Bella Thorne has heard that. A look in the mirror tells me that I don’t have great taste in men, but I’d hope that ugly fat bald ginger sex offenders aren’t edging me out in the game of love. In what world would watching Louis C.K. jack off be “amazing?” This barf-worthy jizzy friendship explains why Silverman stuck her neck out for C.K. during #MeToo’s McCarthyism peak. She continued during her Stern interview:
I’m not saying what he did was okay. I’m just saying at a certain point, when he became influential, not even famous, but influential in the world of comedy, it changes. He felt like he was the same person, but the dynamic was different and it was not okay. I’m not saying everyone should embrace Louis again. I believe he has remorse. I just want him to talk about it on stage. He’s going to have to find his way or not find his way.
They know not what they splooge. Unless he’s handicapped, Louis C.K. should understand the difference between jacking off in front of a whore back in the day and jacking off in front of at least five unknown chicks as an established comedian. We age. Power dynamics change. These are simple things. Conversely, those unknown chicks should have understood not to go to a hotel room with a man they didn’t intend on getting molested by. Stranger danger. Safety in numbers. Simple things. I guess the main takeaway today is that if you ever get desperate enough, you can always masturbate in front of Sarah Silverman. So guys, if you ever see her around, you know what to do.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News