Sometimes I wish vegans were forced to follow the same rules as your average superhero and not disclose their identity everywhere they go. But superheroes don’t exist and neither does a vegan who doesn’t jump at every opportunity to let everyone in the restaurant know about their limited food options. You would think a benefit of swallowing organic liquids all the time would be a flawless immune system. But apparently, when the organic liquid is sourced from Louis C.K., you’re just as susceptible to catch a case of the clap as everyone else that’s drinking his juice. Allegedly some vegan lady, who stole a large sum of investor money, was secretly gifted an STD by Louis. What a generous guy. It wasn’t even her birthday.
Seems like even disgraced comedian Louis C.K. fell under fraudster restaurateur Sarma Melngailis’ spell. In a series of emails between the two in 2012 Louis C.K. pines for the chef. But things turned slightly less romantic in one June when the funnyman defends himself against having potentially passed along an STD to Melngailis. The chef emailed him on June 17 regarding a previous email outburst, stating that she was “upset and freaked out.”
Louis C.K. responded: “hey. I understand you’re upset. This kind of s–t is tough. I never swore that I was clean. I told you I may or may not have given this to you. I’m sorry if I did. If you gave it to me, it’s okay. We all share the current human bloodstream, which includes this kind of stuff. I should have worn a condom, you should have made me, we should have a lot of things. we are human,” he wrote.
“Our generation has this stuff. the next generation will all be inocculated and will have sex with electric glass penises and digital vaginas and they’ll get software viruses instead. It’s part of life.”
Later on he tells Melngailis that he accepts his responsibility “for our chemistry and exchange,” and wonders whether anyone is “clean” nowadays.
“I’ve been told the same thing, that there’s no good tests for guys and even that condoms don’t stop s–t. i don’t know. It’s a mess. I hope you’re okay. i think you will be. And I am sorry. …I still look back tenderly and happily on our time together. And that night. It was really wonderful, even though it never happened again and it seemed to be sort of a stopping point for us, unfortunately.”
Sarma’s first mistake was falling for a man who does his own handjobs. I guess Louis wasn’t even practicing safe sex with himself if he caught something just by yanking his crank in the dark corners of his colleagues’ dressing rooms. This woman’s second mistake was not following through with her beliefs. If you’re so vegan, what are you doing with dirty meat in your mouth? I hope both parties enjoy their karma sandwich. There are too many lessons to list from all of this. But I believe the most important one is America needs to build a wall around people who don’t eat bacon.
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