Florida Ravaged by Virus, Launch Interplanetary Rocket

A fun video of a Florida Woman coughing on a hater! She has since been arrested!

According to Big Media, the state of Florida set another record for pandemic deaths, cases, and old people complaining about the pandemic. Over the last month, Big Media has stoked Fear in Florida (hey, that would make a sensational headline!) by portraying the swampy state as a cesspool of disease and lawlessness. Oh, and they also launched a rocket to Mars.

In the battle to get clicks and swipes by sowing fear and outrage, someone in the Editorial department neglected to tell the soft-news team that NASA and Cape Canaveral are actually IN the Sunshine State. That slice of patriotism and American brains you’re selling is brought to you by the same rednecks that won’t wear a mask in, you guessed it, Florida.

How many people does it take to chuck a spaceship to another planet – 100? 1000? 10,000? How is it that Floridians – recently established in the news as sketchy, comatose zombies and country hicks – managed to cobble together enough brain cells to light-up this pinnacle of human achievement? Maybe Big Media isn’t telling the whole story, like when Ellen tries to explain who gets a backstage pass.

The truth is 17,000 people who work at NASA managed to escape the Stupid Virus that’s “scourging” the state of Florida – or got it and recovered – and with a population of 22 million, several thousand are bound to get sick with whatever drifts across the Atlantic. Hell, millions of them think the Seminoles will be a threat this year, and that false hope hasn’t stopped them from growing oranges or wrestling ‘gators.

But this isn’t the story Big Media wants to sell – no-one gets fat pushing facts or Good News. Try to enjoy without irony the furrowed brow of the pretty newscaster telling you Florida will soon be quarantined off like a John Carpenter movie – then lighting up 2 seconds later when the teleprompter carries big words like Perseverance and Ingenuity.

STORY VIA Miami Herald