I hope someday to have enough money and ego to produce a biopic on myself – just like “Wendy Williams: The Movie” (no really, that’s the title). Normally Hollywood waits until famous people are dead – or a least worthy – before lionizing them on celluloid, but Williams figured, who better to tell the world how wonderful she is than her?
My biopic would be similar to hers, tracing my journey from humble beginnings to East Coast stardom, casting someone attractive as me, and several budding models as those who broke our hearts through the years. The story is full of loss and redemption, but her’s would be rife with emotional poverty, as opposed to my actual poverty. We’ll both skip the unsavory parts – like when I set a hobo on fire, dabbled in heroin, or got beat up for saying shocking, truthful things – just like Williams. Those things just don’t make for good television anyway.
There’s no doubt her egoboo will feature a heroic and insightful recovery from (minor) drugs, victories over sexist / racist / greedy detractors, and the shame of once voting Republican. Producers are no-doubt thankful for past photogenic moments where Williams wore wearing low-cut blouses while on radio, shocked professional athletes, and fainted while dressed as the Statue-of-Liberty; that’ll help give the fictional bits more weight.
Because producing a movie on your life story is the best way to show William’s life has been Well Lived, while yours and mine are nerpy. It’s important for us subordinates to realize how she too has overcome suffering – e.g. once her stylist put her wig on crooked – but I bet her TV classmates won’t have facial cars or needle marks like yours and mine. Through close-ups, and rising music, a braw actress representing Williams will humbly illustrate her triumphs and unfaltering success – my most exciting moment is once getting free fries at Burger King.
In the future, should Wendy die in a tragic yachting accident, they can add a new ending with cut scenes of a nation morning, soft piano music, and an angelic Williams looking down on us mortals – featuring a younger, firmer version of herself or course.
STORY from TheWrap