DJ’ing Is The New Porn

Reality stars devoid of personality used to release a Hi-8 of their genitals and otherwise leave us alone. Now they want to pretend to do shit. DJ’ing is the perfect solution since a retard could do it in a Sebring while driving 100 mph. Pawn Stars’ cast member Chumlee recently picked up a gig at the Palms in Vegas. It’s unclear what he got paid but I’d stand around with headphones on just for the rider:

“1 pair of Hawaiian Nike Dunk SB’s… Dinner at the N9NE Steakhouse for his crew… A basketball suite for a pick-up game after the show… Waitresses to escort him to the stage… Girl Scout cookies (Thin Mints and Peanut Butter Patties… 2 Nerf basketball hoops and 5 Nerf guns.”

Not sure why anyone would pay money to watch the fat guy from that one show play Avicii on an iPod but I don’t go out much anymore. Where do you go to school for that? I salute Chumlee for taking whatever potential he had as a person, throwing it onto 32 red and hitting the fucking jackpot. Milk this cow and bank as many blow jobs and shwagged out suites as humanly possible. God knows this won’t last forever. Will it?