When Paper Magazine announced in 2014 that Kim Kardashian was going to "Break the Internet," worried users assumed she was going to sit on it and crush it with her centaur ass. This obviously wasn't the case, and instead we were treated to READ MORE

Men sending in their résumés to work on a network that films half of its scenes in high school locker rooms aren't really playing coy. Their desired job title might as well be "Teen Taint Inspector."

Schumer's recent choice in man meat all but solidifies the fact that she's finally given up and will next be seen getting dragged through the streets New York City as a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. But guys, she's still a... READ MORE

Reports are coming in that Bijou Phillips is still apparently alive and that people still care about her. The glut of thirty-something actresses just now revealing with their faces that genetics unfortunately won't allow for another decade of marginal success is... READ MORE

Last night marked the twenty-first annual MTV European Music Awards, where the who's whose of sassy starlets gathered to celebrate all of the vast achievements in contemporary music created on the same Casio keyboard. While appearances by fourteen-year-old Snapchat stars who you've never heard... READ MORE

Those of you who have already gazed upon the pre-plastic surgery pictures of Bella Hadid probably suffered a fate similar to Toht in Raiders of the Lost Ark, and those of you who haven't are about to be sorry you... READ MORE

Megan Fox has apparently signed a forty-five-year contract with lingerie company Frederick's of Hollywood, because once again she's back to pimp out their whore clothes to the delight of people who appreciate the finer things in life. Megan Fox was the... READ MORE

This fall is all about sexual assault in Hollywood, and the question on everyone's mind - or at least the minds of everyone in my office this morning during a rousing conversation - is "Who's the next Hollywood sexual... READ MORE

The set of the CW's teen sex party series Riverdale has to have at least twelve different instances of sexual assault a day, and now art is immitating life as series regular Madelaine Petsch talks about the trauma behind filming... READ MORE

Emma Roberts dazzles and delights as a technically thin and maybe sorta in shape sassy starlet for the new issue of Shape Magazine, where she gives up the hot deets on being boring lobotomized trash. My boss responded "but she's... READ MORE