DNC Using Craigslist Hired Cheerers (VIDEO)

July 29, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton each received raucous almost Kim Jong Un level reactions to their speeches at the Democratic National Convention, an annoying institution carefully situated between football and basketball season when we really start slumming it for entertainment. Part of the crowd’s enthusiasm, outside of their obvious susceptibility to shallow propaganda and recycled clichés may have stemmed from the fact that many of them were paid to be there.

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The Barack Obama Muslim Wedding Photos Are Certain to Go Unnoticed

July 8, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

There’s a solid chunk of Americans who believe Barack Obama is secretly a Muslim. Photos broadcast by Bill O’Reilly on his TV show of Obama in Muslim garb attending his half-brother’s wedding twenty-five year ago ought to quell those rumors. What this photo shows most objectively is that the Obama is a Secret Muslim club is pretty shitty at tracking down photos.

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Madonna Horny Old Woman

June 10, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

If it were 50 years ago, Obama would have already fucked Madonna dozens of times. Sure he could get hotter tail but Presidents are pretty obsessed with status. As it is he’s probably only banged her a handful of times. Back when he was the Senator of Illinois Obama attended a lot of Chicago Bulls games and Madonna fucked their entire roster. It follows that they probably got it on although he was probably in too much of a hurry to remove his dress shirt.

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Kendall Jenner Meets the President

May 2, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The White House Correspondents Dinner used to be a showcase for the sitting President to recite cracks about himself and the White House press corps then hand out a bunch of awards to dead people. The annual event served as a friendly reminder that the press who cover POTUS will do pretty much whatever he and his staff ask since they’re looking for access or just sweet jobs in the White House.

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National Equal Pay For Women Day Is the Best

April 13, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

National Equal Pay For Women Day isn’t the first holiday based entirely upon a myth. In fact, most of them are. Columbus didn’t discover America. St. Valentine didn’t believe in taking your chick to Fudrucker’s only to witness her soul crushing disappointment. The simplistic and completely unsubstantiated slogan that women earn 78-cents on the dollar to […]

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Obama’s Tears Confusing at Best

January 6, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

President Obama cried real human tears while pretending to be decisive in executive ordering some limp restrictions on the sale of guns that affects neither the law abiding gun buyers or the criminals, but received wonderful applause in the room. The waterworks opened up when the President was referring to the dead children tragically killed […]

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Obama Shares His Fake Playlist

August 17, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

President Obama shared his Spotify playlist nobody asked for after it was carefully vetted by pollsters and consultants and found to be the most broadly acceptable set of classic radio play music. Coldplay, Rolling Stones, Tempations, Justin Timberlake, and Beyonce, just to name a few bands with 20 million plus followers on social media. Either […]

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Kenyans Tell Obama To Shut His Big Gay Mouth

July 29, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The Kenyan people have a natural affinity for President Obama, so they put out the welcome wagon big time for his arrival and tour of all the great things going on in Kenya not related to the Islamic terrorism, corruption, starvation, and not winning a major Marathon in almost three Marathons. The country’s Christian clergy were […]

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Obama Says Nigger, May Be Fired for Hate Speech

June 22, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Obama went on Marc Maron’s WTF podcast to seem relatable and become the first sitting President to publicly utter the word nigger. In discussing the shooting in Charleston, Obama mentioned on the podcast that progress in racial relations was more than ‘outcry over ‘people using the word nigger in public’. CNN and others breathlessly clipped […]

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Obama Now Open for Fat Shaming

May 19, 2015 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

President Obama has signed up for Twitter six and a half years into his presidency and is even considering tackling some of his campaign promises. He currently has 851,000 followers and is rumored to be super jealous of Katy Perry. So far he has sent out one tweet which announced that he started the account […]

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