Madonna Horny Old Woman

If it were 50 years ago, Obama would have already fucked Madonna dozens of times. Sure he could get hotter tail but Presidents are pretty obsessed with status. As it is he's probably only banged her a handful of times. Back when he was the Senator of Illinois Obama attended a lot of Chicago Bulls games and Madonna fucked their entire roster. It follows that they probably got it on although he was probably in too more

Kendall Jenner Meets the President

The White House Correspondents Dinner used to be a showcase for the sitting President to recite cracks about himself and the White House press corps then hand out a bunch of awards to dead people. The annual event served as a friendly reminder that the press who cover POTUS will do pretty much whatever he and his staff ask since they're looking for access or just sweet jobs in the White more

National Equal Pay For Women Day Is the Best

National Equal Pay For Women Day isn't the first holiday based entirely upon a myth. In fact, most of them are. Columbus didn't discover America. St. Valentine didn't believe in taking your chick to Fudrucker's only to witness her soul crushing disappointment. The simplistic and completely unsubstantiated sloganthat women earn 78-cents on the dollar to men continues to spread throughout the land. It's the basis more

Obama's Tears Confusing at Best

President Obama cried real human tears while pretending to be decisive in executive ordering some limp restrictions on the sale of guns that affects neither the law abiding gun buyers or the criminals, but received wonderful applause in the room. The waterworks opened up when the President was referring to the dead children tragically killed by mentally disturbed young adults given weapons by their mom when TV more

Obama Shares His Fake Playlist

President Obama shared his Spotify playlist nobody asked for after it was carefully vetted by pollsters and consultants and found to be the most broadly acceptable set of classic radio play music. Coldplay, Rolling Stones, Tempations, Justin Timberlake, and Beyonce, just to name a few bands with 20 million plus followers on social media. Either Obama has tons of free time to jigger his music playlsts or this is more

Kenyans Tell Obama To Shut His Big Gay Mouth

The Kenyan people have a natural affinity for President Obama, so they put out the welcome wagon big time for his arrival and tour of all the great things going on in Kenya not related to the Islamic terrorism, corruption, starvation, and not winning a major Marathon in almost three Marathons. The country's Christian clergywere not so impressed. Ministers representing some ten million practicing Christian Kenyans more

Obama Says Nigger, May Be Fired for Hate Speech

Obama went on Marc Maron's WTF podcast to seem relatable and become the first sitting President to publicly utter the word nigger. In discussing the shooting in Charleston, Obama mentioned on the podcast that progress in racial relations was more than 'outcry over 'people using the word nigger in public'. CNN and others breathlessly clipped the quote then bleeped and struck it out because you can't properly more

Obama Now Open for Fat Shaming

President Obama has signed up for Twitter six and a half years into his presidency and is even considering tackling some of his campaign promises. He currently has 851,000 followers and is rumored to be super jealous of Katy Perry. So far he has sent out one tweet which announced that he started the account and will be spending a lot of time on his laptop. I'm pretty sure the whole thing is a ruse to up his porn more

Global Warming Coming After The Obamas

I was on the fence with this whole environmental debate until President Obama shared the tale of how global warming attacked his daughter.You don't come after a man's family, not when he has a microphone and an unquestioning audience. Well you know Malia had asthma when she was 4 and because we had good health insurance, we were able to knock it out early. And if we can make sure that our responses to the more

The Secret Service Is Now An 80's Comedy

Last week a woman drove up to the south entrance of White House, threw a package out of her car and announced it was a bomb. The package was immediately cordoned off and the bomb squad was called. A half hour latertwo of the highest ranking Secret Service agents in Washington, Mark Connolly and George Ogilvie, showed up drunk to the scene after they'd been partying at a Secret Service party in Chinatown like in more

Nope, Still Can't Call them Islamic Terrorists

Anybody who thinks Obama is a tool but Bush was a gem needs to be an NBA ref objectively calling fouls for Kobe. They're both a couple of Kinko's overnightmanagerswho can't unjam a copier when you need your weed protest flyers printed. Neither of these Commanders in Chiefcouldbring themselves to use the phrase Islamic Terrorists. The enemy of America is not our many Muslim friends; it is not our many Arab more

Obama's Got Your Presents, Where's His Fucking Money?

If you're past the age of six and you still believe in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and honest politicians you're headed for a life of believing the Jiffy Lube guy when he tells you you need a new air filter for $79.95 every visit. You might as well just check the forever renewal box on your Highlight Magazine and prepare to find sex icky. You're living in the land of the fairy puppets. A new story came out about the more

Obamas Open Up About Being Treated Crappy

With all the Ferguson and Eric Garner protests going on, The Obamas turned to the hard-hitting People magazine to remind less educated Americans that they have racism stories too. Michelle Obama shared the time somebody mistook her for an employee at Target when she was shopping there on some publicity stunt and asked her to help them find something on the shelf. Pretty harrowing stuff. The only person who came up more

Chris Rock Was Basically Right About Hollywood

Ever since Not North Korea hacked into Sony Pictures emails, we've learned more about Hollywoodthan the entire historyof tell-all books and scathing magazines articles and memoirs. Turns out, Hollywood is a petty place with petty people piling cash into Obama fundraisers so they can stand with Gwyneth Paltrow and gush and pretend they don't check the silverware after any black persons spends the night. In his more

Obama Girls Called Out as Trashy

Blindly partisan politics is like watching Eagles fans throw punches at Giants fans but without the sensory treat of fleshy jowls reverberating or ruddy wives trying to break shit up with curse words you haven't heard since the 50's. It drives Congressional staffers to write shit about the Obama girls looking like tarts because they're wearing skirts and looking bored to shit at another one of dad's lame ass more