01.14.2009 brandon davis is an idiot, broke

Kim Kardashian was hanging out with Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis last night, which by itself means very little, and as it turns out when combined with other things still means very little.  Because she’s a talentless nobody with a big tits and he’s a talentless nobody with even bigger tits (BAM).  But he was in the news yesterday as his parents 20 million dollar Bel Air home is set to be auctioned off because they can no longer make the payments.  

The family, of course, inherited their money from Brandon’s grandfather, self-made oil billionaire Marvin Davis.  Sadly his kids and grandkids don’t have his ambition (he at one time owned 20th Century Fox and the Denver Broncos), and they quickly pissed away his 5.8 billion dollar empire.  

Brandon did his part to throw away their money by being a comically inept gambler, according to Hollywood, Interrupted.  And they should know, because they’re pretty much the best fucking website in the world.

“One of the worst ones that ever happened to me was Brandon Davis," says Jack Ninio, a professional gambler and former Vegas bookie who divides his time between Mexico and Costa Rica, discussing the times Davis has burned him over the years. "Paying him out an astronomical amount of money, and then just having him turn around and pay nothing.
"I was with my wife in New York a few years ago, and we were in a limo with George Maloof [owner of the Palms Casino in Las Vegas], Joe Francis, Brandon Davis and a few other people that I didn't know. And somehow, I heard that Brandon was doing great. He bought a million-dollar piece of art, and he won like $500,000 in a poker game with Joe Francis, and Joe Francis paid him. Later on, he lost and he paid Joe Francis. I'm thinking, 'Well, it seems like he's viable.'
Everybody warned me, 'Dude, that guy is no good.' Then he got hot for three weeks and won an obscene amount of money off me. So when he started losing, I figured maybe he went to the Palms and blew some of it. So I called him up, and he said, 'Yeah, I don't have any of it.' When I was a younger man, I might have really done something to him. That's a situation where, if I had a lower moral code, I would have had him killed. Now that I've got a family, I can't do that."

So it's probably safe to assume Brandon fucked up with other bookies as well, bookies without Jacks delicate sensibilities.  And that might mean that Davis has been forced to give himself to the bookies, sexually, in order to pay off his debts.  It begs the question: has Brandon Davis sucked off hundreds of men, up and down the West Coast and Mexico, in order to make money?  Yes, yes it does.  The facts don’t lie.


04.04.2008 BRANDON DAVIS DOESN’T LIKE … UM … “BLACKS”

The crowning achievement of Brandon Davis' life was when he called Lindsay Lohan a "firecrotch", but please don't think he's a one trick pony who only knows slang for "vagina".  Turns out he knows slurs for gay and black people too.  Why there's no limit to the people he can annoy and now run away from in fear.  As a filthy drunk mick, I'm all like, hey, what about me?



04.04.2008 I NEVER KNEW THIS

Brandon Davis' real name is "Greasy Crotch"?  And he's an all-around genius?  But all this time I've been calling him dumb.  Okay, hey, look, it takes a big man to admit he was wrong, and on this I admit, I was way off.  I apologize.  

(thanks to both Ahmed and Parker, who read wiki day and night because they're not content to merely be hunks.  full size screencap here, wiki page which has probably been changed back by now here)



08.15.2007 BRANDON DAVIS HAS PRETTY EYES

I'm not sure who popped Brandon Davis is his punk ass eye, but they're my official "Hero of the Day".  The fireman who pulled me from that fiery car wreck and then brought me back to life is now a distant second.  Well well well, I guess somebody should have gone back and gotten my iPod like I asked them too.

(other pics here and here.  picture source = X17 ONLINE)




01.02.2007 A LITTLE SOMETHIN FOR THE LADIES….

I hope none of you girls are afraid of getting super turned on right now, because Brandon Davis - in all his lumpy splendor - is oiled up and ready to rock your world, baby.  

(more pictures at the source on Splash)



10.16.2006 BRANDON DAVIS MIGHT BE BROKE

Brandon Davis - the tubby jackass who inherited every dime he's ever had and said Lindsay Lohan was "worth about 7 million, which means she's really poor. It's disgusting" during his infamous "firecrotch" rant - now may be worth even less than that.  Page Six says:

the grandson of supposed billionaire Marvin Davis bounced a $10,000 check he gave to "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis, and he's also said to owe record producer Scott Storch and The Palm casino owner George Maloof … (Davis) explained that his check had bounced because he was switching banks and that he'd paid Francis back in cash (which Francis denies).

Other members of the Davis family appear to be struggling with their finances as well, desperately selling off property and suing each other for every dollar they can get.  It's basically their idea of a job, and an incredible example of how indomitable the human spirit can be in times of crisis.  They’re winners!