Brody Jenner Is DJing In Chicago Instead Of Going To Kim’s Wedding

By Travis May 23, 2014 @ 2:00 PM

Brody with asses

Since his girlfriend whose name you’ve never heard wasn’t invited to his stepsister’s wedding, Brody Jenner decided not to travel to Italy with the rest of his family, because the love of a girl that he’s been dating for seven months is more important than Kim Kardashian’s ass in a laughably white dress. So what does a 30-year old guy do when his whole family is gone and he has America to himself? He takes a gig DJing at a club in Chicago. The obvious question here is who pays Brody Jenner to be a celebrity DJ, but the far better question is who sees that Brody is DJing at a club and then says, “Oh shit, I need to be there”? Fucking losers, of course. But I at least have to respect the guy’s ass-spraying game.

Photo Credit: Brody Jenner’s Twitter

Brody Jenner Is Mad That He Didn’t Get A Plus One For Kim’s Wedding

By Travis May 21, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Brody Jenner and some girl

Kim Kardashian’s big wedding to Kanye West this weekend won’t be perfect unless it also offers a stupid dramatic angle that can be exploited on her TV show once she’s done collecting the millions of dollars that she’ll be receiving just for getting married for a third time. Her stepbrother Brody Jenner was more than willing to provide that drama when he chose not to attend the wedding because Kim wouldn’t invite his girlfriend, Kaitlynn Carter, according to Us Weekly. On one hand, Kim’s right to not want the girl that Brody has only been dating for seven months to be at her wedding, taking pictures and sharing them with god knows who. But on the other hand, would it really be that much of an inconvenience to take one of Rob Kardashian’s meals away from him so one more person can attend?

Photo Credit: Brody Jenner’s Instagram

Brody Jenner Thinks Half-Sister Kendall Is a Slutty Genius

By Jack December 24, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

Brody Jenner thinks that his high school dropout little half-sister Kendall will break One Direction singer Harry Style’s poor heart. Harry, the One Direction guy with the intentionally dumb hair that a billion pubescent girls around the world imagine deflowering them, has supposedly been dating Kendall Jenner ever since Kris Jenner threatened to kill him and his entire extended family if he didn’t play along. Brody Jenner tells the New York Daily News that,

“I hate to tell you this, but Kendall will be doing the heartbreaking. I’m sure she’s having a fun time with him. She has a very level head, great head on her shoulders. But they are both so young.”

If you read between the lines, and with Brody Jenner, really the subtleties in his communications are the true genius, you’ll note that he realizes his half-sister is a by-product of the Kardashian bloodline where romance is but a ticked off check box in the ‘reality’ production manual. Kendall will end up honking whoever makes her more popular, provides her more story lines, and brings in the most coin to the family coffers. Once Harry’s cost-benefit diminishes, Kendall will take her empty gaze on to the next dude. Harry will be just fine, he’s going to bang a thousand hot women before his boy band days are over. But what about me and the emotionally retarded fan army of the Kardashians who live and die with their scripted personal lives? We will need the Kleenex to get through the breakups.

BRODY JENNER CAN GO F HIMSELF

By brendon June 06, 2008 @ 5:19 AM

Brody Jenner and his mom (weird) and his ex girlfriend Cora Skinner were in Maui yesterday doing … whatever the hell this all is.  You of course know Brody from … hm.  Actually I don't what it is that dude does.  But he nails a lot of hot chicks.  He might not even have a real job for all I know.  But who cares?  Nailing hot chicks is it's own reward.

(picture source = splash news online)



THE CHUPACABRA IS SINGLE

By brendon October 05, 2006 @ 3:04 PM

Nicole Richie and Brody Jenner ended their relationship Wednesday, after dating for almost three months.  A PR rep for Richie said:

"Nicole and Brody are no longer dating but remain friends,"

Which is apparently news to Nicole Richie, who wrote on her myspace:

"I know there are rumors regarding my 'breakup' with Brody Jenner. The truth is, we were never really together. We hung out, and he's a nice guy, but my heart was never in it. Anything further is just a cry for publicity."

Listen you cricket-lookin bitch, no one is asking out your bony ass so they can be famous. That’s like asking a dalmation to get you a job as a fireman.  The dalmation isn’t a real fireman, and you're not a real celebrity.   You’re basically famous because you're ugly and dumb.  You’re not even Lionel Richies real kid, which I guess explains why you look like some kind of demon.  I'd rather be locked in a room with Predator than your annoying ass.

BRODY JENNER IS A GENTLEMAN

By brendon August 30, 2006 @ 4:16 AM

Maybe Brody Jenner doesn’t have to throw his cape over every puddle between Nicole Richie and her car, but I really don't think it's too much to ask that he at least acknowledge that his new girlfriend is about to roll into the street after stumbling down the brick stairs behind him.  But, whatever the proper response may be, one thing we can all agree on is that my ass looks fantastic in those jeans I bought yesterday.