charlie, you scamp!

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 3:18 PM

I’m sure you remember that Charlie Sheen spent Christmas in jail because his wife said he held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her, but do you remember back when Kobe Bryant was accused of anally raping a 19-year-old girl? Well Charlie Sheen sure does, with hilarious results!

Charie’s return to work was greeted with tension that quickly dissolved into laughter.
At a table reading for Charlie’s hit show Two And A Half Men, one of the producers asked Jon Cryer what he did during the holidays. Everyone started to laugh because they could tell where this was going (wwtdd editors note – to FunnyTown, that’s where!)
…the producer moved on and said, “Charlie, what did YOU do for the holidays?”
As everyone laughed, Charlie answered, “Well, I met Kobe Bryant’s bail bondsman!”

Stories like this are why everyone holds Hollywood in such high esteem. He was at work and he made a joke about raping teenagers in the ass and chopping his wife’s head off and it got a big laugh. You can bet he won’t ever make this kind of mistake again. It makes me wish I could date Charlie Sheen.

Tags: charlie sheen, Youre Under Arrest |

92 Comments

its the 911 call

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 6:43 PM

The 911 call placed by Charlie Sheens wife Brooke Mueller on Christmas day after he choked her and threatened her with a knife has been released, and it’s a delightful peek into the life of a Hollywood playboy who has been above the law his entire life. Some of the highlights…

911: Tell me exactly what happened.
BROOKE: My husband had me, with a knife and I’m scared for my life and he threatened me.

911: Which room is he in, when the officers enter the house which room will he be in?
BROOKE: In the bathroom.
911: And which room are you in?
BROOKE: In the kitchen. I thought I was gonna die, (unintelligible, perhaps “someone help me”.)
911: What’s your name?
BROOKE: Brooke.
911: And whats your husbands name?
BROOKE: It’s Charlie Sheen.

Soon after that Brooke says he’s trying to sneak out of the house but the officers arrived just a few seconds later and his brilliant escape plan was foiled. The reason she sounds drunk is because she was drunk, reportedly registering a .13 BAL. That might also explain her unthinkably bad self-defense skills. If someone is chasing you around the house with a small knife, don’t go wait for them in the room where the bigger, stabbier knives are kept. “Okay ma’am, where are you know?” “I’m in the kitchen with my back to the hallway, tying my shoelaces together and yelling that he’s a fag who isn’t man enough to stop me.”

Tags: 9/11, Brooke Mueller, charlie sheen |

40 Comments

charlie sheen went after his wife with a knife

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 3:31 PM

Charlie Sheen has been arrested so many times it’s hard to keep up, but at least 5 times for drug possession, soliciting prostitutes, and credit card fraud. He was not arrested when he shot Kelly Preston in the arm or when he allegedly threatened to kill Denise Richards and their kids or when he maybe killed a hooker.

Three days ago he was arrested again for second-degree assault, menacing and criminal mischief after he choked his wife and now it’s being reported he threatened her with a knife.

As we exclusively reported Saturday, a source close to Charlie Sheen’s Christmas day scuffle in Colorado revealed that a “weapon of some sort,” had been involved. Now the same source tells E! News the weapon present in Sheen’s domestic dispute, and the cause of his felony menacing charges, was a knife.
During the reported domestic dispute between Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller, the Two and a Half Men star allegedly threatened his better half with a knife in the living room of her Aspen rental home.

This sucks for her but Charlie Sheen is a violent, drug addicted piece of shit and always has been. Of course he tried to kill her. If I owned a health insurance company, that’s one thing I’d look for. Do you smoke, do you drink, and are you married to Charlie Sheen? If you answered yes to any of those, fuck you. What am I, made out of money.

Tags: charlie sheen, Youre Under Arrest |

39 Comments

Charlie knows the truth about 9/11

By brendon September 09, 2009 @ 5:04 PM

Charlie Sheen has posted a make-believe transcript from a conversation he did not have with President Obama, in which the star of ‘Scary Movie 3’ lays out the “facts” regarding the US governments role in the terrorist attacks of 9/11.

The problem is that most of his evidence is laugh-out-loud stupid, and the voices in his head seem to understand that. Even the guy who tells me a simple little pill can make a certain part of my male anatomy larger has more evidence to support his claims, and that’s the dumbest god damn thing I’ve ever heard.

You can read the entire thing after the cut if you have nothing but spare time.

DENISE RICHARDS IS A … UM … BLACK PERSON

By brendon June 19, 2008 @ 6:32 AM

Remember the rumor that Denise Richards used to be a call girl for Heidi Fleiss? That’s not really relevant to anything but still it was pretty cool. Anyway, yesterday some voice mails left by her ex Charlie Sheen magically appeared online. And the guy who once told her to "go cry to your bald mom you fuckin loser" while her mom was receiving chemotherapy is still as charming as ever. He apologized yesterday, but on the voice mail he said…

"Yeah, I just got your other email and I’m a little confused because you told me that was something you only told a couple of people and this and that and I just, again you continue to be deceitful and mischievous and sneaky, and you're a fucking liar. Okay? You're a fucking liar. So, you know what it's like, fuck you. Okay, I hope you rot in fucking hell. You're a piece of shit fucking liar and I hope you fucking rot in hell. So fuck you. I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You're a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright, so fuck you."

Well at least he hasn’t burned any bridges. I still think these two can work it out.

Tags: charlie sheen, denise richards |

73 Comments

CHARLIE SHEEN HAS TRANNY-INFESTED SPERM

By brendon May 23, 2008 @ 7:17 AM

Yesterday, sources close to Charlie Sheen leaked to the media that Denise Richards was lying when she said she needed to do a reality TV show for the money, as she was already making over 600,000 a year in child support alone, and could eventually make as much as 25 million thanks to Charlie’s TV show. Well today, Denise decided to take the high road and has officially refused to comment on that story. I’m joking of course.

Sheen branded her a liar and claimed she sent his fiancee, Brooke Mueller, an e-mail asking him for his sperm so she could have another kid.
Richards claims the e-mails sent to Mueller were fakes: "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We'll leave it at that. I am so over him. He's the one who can't move on. He's disgusting and he's hit an all-time low."
"Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he's going to Family Day [for daughter Sam's school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold," Richards said. "His response was, 'I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.' My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis.”

I don't know. Maybe it's because I’m such a hopeless romantic, but I get the feeling these two can still work it out. At least they haven't done anything that would burn any bridges.

Tags: charlie sheen, denise richards |

62 Comments