Charlie Sheens mom is the product of a rape

By brendon February 02, 2011 @ 1:12 PM


(NOTE: I should probably write TYLER EXCLUSIVE in all caps across the headline, because thats what this is, but it makes me look needy.)

The reason Charlie Sheen continues to get work in Hollywood despite a 20 year crime spree is because he’s apparently very likable in person. Unless you’re a girl who doesn’t want to have sex with him, in which case he can sometimes become a violent jackass.

Oh, hey, which reminds me, Charlie Sheen’s biological grandfather was a rapist. He raped Sheen’s grandmother and his mom was the product of that rape. Seriously. It’s apparently well known to those close to the Sheen family, at least according to someone I spoke with last night, someone very very much in a position to know this kind of thing.

Is that related to Sheen getting violent with women who won’t have sex with him, or his affinity for prostitutes who never say no? I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist. I can tell you this though; my moms dad was an Apostolic Christian missionary, and I’m a sweet little angel, so maybe that really is how these things work.

Martin Sheen wants a conservatorship over Charlie

By brendon February 01, 2011 @ 2:46 PM


Just to be clear, Charlie Sheen is not some adorable scamp, he’s a piece of shit with a long history of violence against women, but if he wants to get high and apologize to prostitutes all day, by all means go for it. As long as he doesn’t…

- Shoot the girl, like he did to Kelly Preston. (imdb)
- Hit her in the back of the head if she refuses to sleep with him, like he did to a student at UCLA. (people)
- Fling her to the ground and split open her lip, which would require 7 stitches, like he did to Brittany Ashland. (e!)
- Hold a knife to her throat, like he did to Brooke Mueller. (daily mail)
- Threaten to kill her, like he did to Denise Richards and Capri Anderson. (people, daily news)

As long as he stops doing that, I could care less about how much coke he does or the jenga of STDs in his body that apparently void each other if you acquire enough. But his dad does apparently, and so he’s gonna try to get a conservatorship on him. Radar says…

“Charlie looks awful… he is very, very depressed and feels like the world is going against him. Charlie’s parents are discussing getting a conservatorship of their son. Martin and Janet know that it’s highly unlikely their petition would be granted, but they are trying to do whatever possible to save Charlie’s life.”
“Charlie is coughing a lot, and he doesn’t seem to care what he is doing to his body… Charlie truly thinks he is invincible, and that he can do as much drugs as possible with no ramifications.”
Martin Sheen recognizes “that Charlie isn’t rehabbing at home. That term just doesn’t exist. Charlie is calling the shots, he hasn’t surrendered to sobriety, and until that happens, this cycle won’t end. Charlie is absolutely refusing to go to rehab. He is a 45 year old man, and no one can force him to go. That is why his parents are exploring what legal options they have if any to save his life,” the insider told us.

Ok, whatever, but can we all agree that if he hits one more girl, we get to put a stick of dynamite in his ass and blow him up? Honestly, it seems fair at this point.

afternoon headlines

By brendon January 31, 2011 @ 7:01 PM


CHARLIE SHEEN – will be doing rehab, ahem, from his house. Because he doesn’t want any embarrassing details coming out about his private life. Remember this as you read the very next sentence. (tmz)

KACEY JORDAN – has yet another new interview talking about sex with Charlie Sheen, aaanndd it would almost be over by now according to her. “It was OK. It didn’t last very long (probably) because he was so fucked up. When you’re that high…his performance wasn’t very long. It was a 3-minute ordeal. After sex we just sat in bed and he held on to me. He was sloppy but functioning, [he] wouldn’t stop kissing my feet. He promised me he’d get me a Bentley.” Jesus, that honestly couldn’t have been any worse unless she said he was crying and lactating. (e!)

CHERYL BURKE – of Dancing with the Stars is in the Dominican Republic, and PCN says, “The 26-year-old dance star flaunted her fabulous figure.” As you can tell they were obviously being sarcastic. (pacific coast)

Charlie Sheen could cost Warner Brothers $250,000,000

By brendon January 31, 2011 @ 3:13 PM


Charlie Sheen will reportedly be in rehab for the next three months (note: never gonna happen) which would mean the 8 remaining episodes of this seasons Two and a Half Men won’t get made, which could cost Warner Brothers up to 250 million dollars in revenue.

And this is why you don’t hire people who see a brick of cocaine as a dare.

Oh and then there’s this…

Three hundred crew members are reportedly concerned about losing their pay checks as they were allegedly only “partially compensated” when production went on hiatus last February for Sheen’s previous rehab stint.

Ok, forget all that and let’s focus on HOLY SHIT that crappy show makes 250 million dollars? Why? How? Why? It’s unbearable. Jesus if that thing came on and I couldn’t find the remote i would just start throwing my shoe and end tables at the TV to break it if need be.

Charlie Sheen enters rehab, Two and a Half Men on hiatus

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 7:53 PM


The official story is still that Charlie Sheen was only in a hospital yesterday because of a hernia he got from laughing too hard, and yet, today he “voluntarily” entered an undisclosed rehab, and his CBS show Two and a Half Men will be temporarily shut down because of it.

Sheen’s highly successful sitcom, Two and a Half Men, is going on hiatus due to the star’s decision to enter rehab, according to a statement from CBS, Warner Bros. Television and executive producer Chuck Lorre.
“We are profoundly concerned for his health and well-being, and support his decision,” they say in the statement.

Well, obviously he was forced to do this, because not only does he not care about getting clean, he thinks he’s cool. Earlier today, a source told People.

“He loves the attention, he loves to shock people, he loves that he gets away with all of this. And he can because there are no consequences – that’s the problem. It’s who he is, like it or leave it.”

Could someone please just introduce him to Lindsay so we can get this over with and move on with our lives.

PREDICTABLE UPDATE – In a text message this evening, Sheen said, “I’m fine. People don’t seem to get it…. Guy can’t have a great time and do his job also?”

like nothing ever happened

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 2:16 PM


Denise Richards, Martin Sheen, and Dr. Drew are all trying to get Charlie Sheen into drug rehab, but his body can apparently take it, his employer lets him do whatever he wants, and it’s not like the pussies in the LAPD would ever arrest a celebrity, so, no, he’s not gonna do that. Instead he’s gonna go home, hang out, and party some more, like nothing ever happened.

Charlie Sheen will be at work Tuesday on the set of “Two and a Half Men,” sources tell TMZ — and he’s NOT going to rehab.
Charlie is out of the hospital and recovering from Thursday’s 911 emergency.
The show is on hiatus this week, so the production schedule won’t be affected.

Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Tuesday is a loonng way away in Charlie Sheen time. His house could look like Jonestown by then.