like nothing ever happened

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 2:16 PM

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Denise Richards, Martin Sheen, and Dr. Drew are all trying to get Charlie Sheen into drug rehab, but his body can apparently take it, his employer lets him do whatever he wants, and it’s not like the pussies in the LAPD would ever arrest a celebrity, so, no, he’s not gonna do that. Instead he’s gonna go home, hang out, and party some more, like nothing ever happened.

Charlie Sheen will be at work Tuesday on the set of “Two and a Half Men,” sources tell TMZ — and he’s NOT going to rehab.
Charlie is out of the hospital and recovering from Thursday’s 911 emergency.
The show is on hiatus this week, so the production schedule won’t be affected.

Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Tuesday is a loonng way away in Charlie Sheen time. His house could look like Jonestown by then.

Charlie Sheen was in the hospital for laughing too hard

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 10:00 AM

Two and a Half Men

Charlie Sheen is an asshole who beats up women, and that’s why I had my fingers crossed that he would die yesterday, but he didn’t, and now we’re gonna have to listen to a bunch of insultingly condescending explanations for why he was rushed to the hospital. Awesome. Officially, he’s in there for a hernia. And what caused it to flare up? Was it the 36-hour coke binge? Nooppe. Course not.

The Hollywood Reporter

One friend of Charlie Sheen has the most unusual reason for the actor’s hospitalization on Thursday — the Two and a Half Men star was laughing too hard.
Steve Brodersen, identified as Sheen’s friend by Extra, told the program that Sheen suffered a hernia injury while laughing too hard at the television from his home.
The report continues that Sheen may need surgery as soon as tomorrow to repair the hernia. Brodersen said that Sheen told him from the hospital bed, “I’m not dying.”

Is anyone in LA law enforcement gonna investigate this, by the way? At all? Witnesses are saying he had a briefcase full of coke. No one wants to look into that? Maybe swing by his house? No?

Okay fantastic.

I’m sure if there was a news report about my meter being expired and they could write me a ticket they’d have a team of forensics on the scene within the hour.

Sheen had a briefcase full of coke and Melanie Rios

By brendon January 27, 2011 @ 8:37 PM

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So if Charlie Sheen does die today (and honestly if he does who cares) at least he’ll have gone out nailing one of the hottest girls in porn, if not all of Hollywood, in Melanie Rios. According to radar, she was the other porn star with Sheen this morning after he went to the hospital, though there’s no mention of it on her twitter, which has been updated twice today.

The first porn star is said to be Kacey Jordan, who is actually kind of ugly, and it shows how badly drugs can impair your judgment because Melanie has a sister named Valerie (or at least they say they’re sisters), and that’s them pictured, and they… um… do stuff (NSFW).

In Sheens defense, its hard to make informed decisions when your doing bricks of cocaine at a time. TMZ says…

Sheen had a “briefcase full of cocaine” delivered to his home — and was using large amounts of the drug during the 36-hour bender that landed him in the hospital … this according to a source inside the house.
We’re told Sheen had several people inside his home during the 36-hour span that started Tuesday night — including 2 porn stars, a business associate, and several other women.
After hours of drinking, we’re told a person showed up to the house with a designer “briefcase” — that contained multiple “bricks” of cocaine.
We’re told Sheen immediately began doing the drug for several hours.

And people freak out when I say I hope he dies? Seriously, who cares? Not him. Hell even if he does die, his last words will have been, “WEEEEEEE!!!!!”

“It’s officially 24 hours of drinking! hehe.”

By brendon January 27, 2011 @ 6:54 PM

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I personally think Charlie Sheen is an asshole, but maybe he’s actually really cool. Maybe it’s cool that he shot Kelly Preston in the arm back when they were engaged. And that his girlfriend Chloe Jones died suspiciously (source). And that two of his wives claim he threatened to kill them, one even saying he held a knife to her throat (source, source). And maybe there’s no connection between those things and him dressing a $6,000 sex doll up as a cheerleader, chopping off its hands with a meat clever, wrapping it in a blanket and throwing it in a dumpster (source), and maybe the porn star who claims he locked her in a closet in the Plaza Hotel in New York was lying (source).

Maybe he’s just a guy who likes to “party”, and maybe he should be admired for the “cool” life he leads. Like, before going to the hospital this morning, when he was partying with porn star Kacey Jordan, who took the picture in the headline at Sheens house and then posted it on twitter last night (unedited full size copy here).

So maybe I’m wrong. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and now he breaks the law with impunity and assaults women. And when you put it like that, really what’s not to love.

Charlie Sheen has been rushed to the hospital

By brendon January 27, 2011 @ 4:53 PM

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Charlie Sheen and two of his newest lady friends were having another raucous party all last night and into the morning, aanndd now he might be dead (crossing my fingers).

Charlie Sheen was rushed to the hospital this morning, TMZ has learned … and a source at the hospital tells us, “It’s serious.”
We’re told Charlie was taken out of his home on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance at 7 AM.
Two young women exited the house at the same time Charlie was taken out with a towel partially over his face.
Sources say Charlie was having severe abdominal pains which triggered the 911 call. Stan Rosenfield, Charlie’s publicist, tells TMZ Charlie was in the emergency room this morning — sleeping.

Gee, who knew that years of an unchecked drug addiction could have side effects? Someone really should have mentioned that.

at least Charlie Sheen can count on Jim Norton

By brendon January 20, 2011 @ 10:07 AM

jim-norton

If not for the out of control drug addiction, paranoia, violence and crime sprees, Charlie Sheen would be pretty cool. Or at least fun to hang out with. The trick is block out everything else and focus all your attention on the prostitutes and whores.

Luckily that’s what Jim Norton of the Opie and Anthony show is best at, as proven once again in todays New York Post

“As far as I’m concerned, if you make $2 million a week and you don’t have a hooker in your hotel room, you’re creepy and I don’t trust you. And I don’t do drugs at all, so for me it would just be more prostitutes. That’s how they would find me. I would be dead on the floor, flattened by a pile of prostitutes. I’d look like a cat in a hoarders’ house.”

I should probably stop having Jim Norton quotes on the page, at least in the morning, because let’s not kid each other, it’s all downhill from here. If this were a relay race, he’d have taken the lead, handed me the baton, my pants would fall down, I’d drop the baton, trip, and somehow have it go right up my ass when I fell down.