Jenny McCarthy is irate that Charlie Sheen didn’t disclose to her that he was HIV positive while she had kissing scenes with him for the 2011 season of Two and a Half Men. McCarthy claims in her private life she has all of her potential sex partners test for HIV before becoming intimate. A solid practice if you’re dating high risk gay men and you’ve missed all the condom billboards around town. McCarthy says she understands that you can’t get HIV through kissing like you can when your kids get vaccinated for polio.
‘I look back and I’m like, ‘OK, that would have been some valuable information.’ I mean, look how many people have played his love interest on the show.’
Can you get the AIDS from playing somebody’s love interest on TV or not? Now I’m just confused and I have auditions for a Latin telenovela. What would you have done with this information? Turned down the one and only network gig you ever had? Think about your answer, you’re about to be curb stomped by the LGBT lobby.
After decades of massively funded public relations campaigns, HIV and The AIDS are the world’s most sympathetic communicable disease. Getting The AIDS is socially akin to running into a burning house to save a child. Only, you’re running into that house naked and that house is some guy’s ass. The media’s reaction to Charlie Sheen’s HIV positive admission is going to be some kind of tortured political correctness. Charlie Sheen bad. The AIDS good. I completely forgot the rules of moral algebra for canceling out.
Charlie Sheen went on the The Today Show with his The AIDS doctor to assure the world that he is the victim. A victim of vengeful sex partners who have been extorting him over public disclosures of his medical condition. You could look at those vengeful sex partners as opportunistic money grubbing whores, or porn stars who can no longer ever work again and may not have tons of free cash for daily Magic Johnson cocktails.
Sheen assured the world, half of whom he has fucked in a exposed orifice, that since he became aware of his HIV diagnosis, he’s informed all of his partners and engaged in only safe sex. He did cop to two instances where maybe he forgot the condoms. And of course there are those 6,456 times he was too fucked up to remember, but that shouldn’t count.
According to Fox News, Sheen had sex with multiple women just last week and kind of forgot to mention The AIDS thing. It is something you could easily forget when recounting your litany of drug and assault arrests for the more curious dates. Okay, so you chased your then wife around the Christmas Tree with a knife while blitzed on cocaine? Anything else? No? Good, enter me, Charlie, and make me feel whole again.
It’d be easy to say that you deserve what you get for fucking Charlie Sheen. I’ll say that. Maybe not so much for the paid girls needing to make the rent. In the very least, good industry habits require disclosing the deadlier of your sexually transmitted viruses. Sheen’s doctor says that his patient’s HIV is super duper contained, comparing it to how Obama has ISIS contained, so if you’ve fucked Charlie Sheen in the past half sozen years, I’d get an Advanced Directive penned up somewhat expediently. This drama is far from over.
If you had Charlie Sheen in the HIV-positive Hollywood actor pool then you win not much, since you bet the clear favorite. Last week the U.K. Sun posted a Rolling Stone level of journalism article announcing some A-list actor who got around a lot with the ladies was positive for The AIDS precursor and several of his former flings were planning on suing him. If you’ve got half a Columbo in you the whittling down to straight actor in Hollywood engaged in a ton of drugs and high risk sex with high risk sex workers the name Charlie Sheen popped up like an AIDS lesion.
Sheen is scheduled to go on the Today Show to talk about how he may now die from something other than cardiac arrest or asphyxiation. Expect Charlie Sheen to take the tough guy stance on all of this. I deserved this. I will fight this. My tiger’s blood can conquer The AIDS. It’s unclear if all the porn stars who will be suing him for infecting them with the incurable virus will be quite as stoic. We’ll have to read the legal filings. Or wait for more videos from his exes burning his photos and screaming about how $100K wasn’t enough. Not enough for what? Oh, yeah. That.
Charlie Sheen’s porn star fiancee of 2014 erupted in a backyard conflagration of his and her photos and all the sweet notes and death threats he sent her while tweaking during their six month romance. It’s unclear why a year after her told her to hit the streets she suddenly went apeshit on video. Scottine Sheen, formerly Brett Rossi, is screaming about getting offered a hundred grand to shut the fuck up and how that’s not much money for a girl to live off of even in a trailer park two hours east of Los Angeles.
You choked me out! You threw me on the floor! You dragged me around like a rag doll! You told me what a piece of shit I was all the time. Fuck you
I’m sure if she worked out the numbers in her head she’d realize she just got paid more to fuck than her industry quote, but even porn stars have romantic hearts and hers is clearly broken. Like her hymen at twelve. I added that for emphasis. Don’t make promises to a porn star you can’t keep if you don’t have decent private security. Fire your agent.
Proving all you need is a dick and drugs to make babies, Charlie Sheen is a dad several times over. For the holidays, Sheen likes to get especially tweaked and create reminders to his future father-less offspring of how conflicting it is when dad is deceased but also an asshole. Sheen fired off a Tweet on Father’s Day aimed at his last two wives:
Brooke M is a sexy rok star whom I adore D Richards a heretic washed up piglet Shame pile Happy Father’s Day!!!”
It’s not cool for a guy to favor one ex-wife over the other. If you have to choose I suppose you do go with the drug addict who was always carrying when you were strung out over a government holiday long weekend. Maybe it’s unfair to Denise Richards who took in Brooke and Charlie’s crack twins when both parents were so fucked up a judge prohibited them from even mentioning aloud the fact that they’d reproduced. Either way, this seems more like a Mother’s Day message. You can rest when your dead. Pencil in this coming Friday?
Paramedics were called to Charlie Sheen’s coke compound at eleven at night because he was suffering from food poisoning. Drink some Gatorade and if you call us back we’re writing you a ticket. Whoever called didn’t dial 911, but the fire department which doesn’t record calls and therefore we won’t hear audio of your seizing head slapping the marble floor on the late local news. The food poisoning excuse seems to be exceptionally lame because Sheen hasn’t eaten a meal since Ferris Bueller and survives on crack rocks and intravenous McChickens. He is currently not working and living off the hundred million dollars he made by showing up on set after not sleeping for a week and delivering bad lines with a lack of enthusiasm while wearing a stupid bowling shirt. On top of that your aunt has the nerve to say he’s cute. The pool of vomit goes well over there. Over under I’ll give him ten years to live. He had a good run. It’s all downhill from here. Call the gaggle of porn stars he’s got one more left in him. Change the locks, the kids might want to say goodbye. How’s your tiger blood working now?