NBC must be some kind of money laundering operation because Jeff Zucker has done nothing but fuck up (graph, graph) since taking over 10 years ago (it’s in last place among the 4 networks, ratings have dropped for 8 straight years). Now reports say Zucker has been “nasty, arrogant and threatening” towards Conan, who “has acted like a baby” since NBC announced they were moving Leno back to 11:30.

But at least Leno has handled this with integrity, and you can rest assured there won’t be any clips about this from 2004 that would make him look like an asshole. Oh wait never mind.

“When I took this show over, boy there was a lot of animosity between me and Dave, and who’s gonna get it, and quite frankly, a lot of, what I thought, well good friendships were permanently damaged. And I don’t want to see anybody ever have to go through that again. Because, you know this show is like a dynasty, you hold it, and then you hand it off to the next person. And I don’t wanna see all the fighting and all the ‘who’s better’ and nasty things back and forth in the press, so right now, here it is, Conan, it’s yours, see you in 5 years buddy. Clear enough?”

It’s hard to imagine who would watch ‘the Tonight Show’ now that Leno has been exposed as the underhanded fraud that he is. I’d rather watch a show that teaches you how to get your dick caught in a zipper.

Despite reports claiming Jay Leno was outraged about the way NBC was treating Conan O’Brien and would refuse to host ‘the Tonight Show’ because of it, Jay Leno will host ‘the Tonight Show’ starting next month, and today he signed a new contract making it official. The New York Post says…

Late-night funnyman Conan O’Brien’s last night as host of “The Tonight Show” will likely be next Friday, allowing Jay Leno to reclaim his old time slot.
“Conan does not currently plan on doing any more new shows after next week,” a source told People magazine’s Web site this afternoon.
Leno struck a deal with NBC to reclaim the 11:35 p.m. to 12:35 a.m. “Tonight Show” slot.

Is “piece of shit” hyphenated? When you use it to describe someone? Because I was trying to organize my thoughts on Leno and that one came up a few times. I wanna make sure everything is just right.