Apologizing for offensive jokes is like taking a dump in the humor sacrament. Everybody is offended by something. That can’t possibly be a standard. Conan O’Brien pulled a Tweet about the new Marvel comics superhero, Ms. Marvel, following cries of racism and disparagement of Muslims. Oh, boo fucking hoo. No, it’s not a particularly funny joke, if for no other reason than Conan’s Twitter writer didn’t know that the Ms. Marvel character is a high school girl in the new storyline. But it’s just a joke. Obama might feel a need to never use the word Muslim within ten Ramadans of the word terrorism, but comedians are supposed to be beyond the political art of cowardice. Offended people will always find a way to be offended. You know what’s truly disparaging of Muslims? Assuming they can’t take a fucking joke.
Whether she’s whoring it up with ghosts or writing songs about her vagina with her mom, Ke$ha is never short of hilariously unique and edgy stories to tell reporters and talk show hosts. And, of course, by hilarious and edgy, I mean anything that pops into her brain within seconds after thinking to herself, “Quick, say something retarded so people keep talking about you!”
Ke$ha appeared on Conan earlier this week and showed off her inner lip tattoo that reads, “Suck it”, as a message to her haters. But Conan O’Brien also asked her about her songwriting process, and she described how she writes some of her songs by turning off all the lights, taking off her shirt, lowering herself over her piano’s keys and slapping her tits on them to “just tickle the ivories”.
And then Jason Collins showed up and said, “See? This is why.”
(Photo Credit: Getty)
It’s been 20 years since Jay Leno weaseled his way into hosting the Tonight Show, taking the job from David Letterman, and 2 years since he did the exact same thing to Conan O’Brien, which is why Letterman was absolutely delighted to have Conan on his show last night for the first time in 13 years.
“I’ve known Jay a long long time,” Letterman said. “We go back to the mid 70s, back in Los Angeles at the Comedy Store. Jay was always the guy — the funniest guy — he was the guy you’d go to see. He was the guy that you wished you could be more like. He was funny. He was also, uh… a bit of a brat. So then, oh you know, when this came along, I said to myself, ‘Oh yes, this is the Jay I know.’”
“Hey, mor-more like David Fretterman and Conan O’Cryin, am I right Jay!”
- the Tonight Show writers
Will Ferrell interrupted Conan O’Brien last night to sooth the crowd with a little jazz flute, give him some much needed advice, and then to announce that Paramount has finally gotten their head out of their ass and agreed to let him do a sequel to ‘Anchorman’.
Adam McKay will direct again, Judd Apatow will produce again, and Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and David Koechner are all expected back. Christina Applegate may not return however, but not because she’s on Whore Island. Apparently that’s not a real place, unless you count Australia.
CONAN O’BRIEN – brought in 4.2 million viewers last night for the premiere of his TBS show, easily defeating Leno (3.5 million) and Letterman (3.4 million). And he showed how they plan to keep using old characters like the Masturbating Bear while getting around NBC’s intellectual property right claims. When it comes to apex predators wacking off, accept no substitutes. (deadline)
SETH ROGEN – says he was so nervous to propose to his girlfriend, he just ran in the house and did it. It was not good timing. “She was in our closet, changing, and she was literally only in her underpants. I had already kind of started. I didn’t picture it like this, and I know she didn’t picture it like this.” Wow so she was topless? What a whore! (people)
KRISTEN STEWART – will be “practically naked, a lot” in the next Twilight movie, though I didn’t catch the name of it. To be honest I thought we were done with these. How long is this gonna go on? (e!)
CONAN O’BRIEN – will host the premiere of his new TBS show tonight, and he says one thing to look for on the new show is him forgiving Andy Richter: “Because you know it was him that f—ed up. I was doing fine before he came back.” I also heard that Richter was the Beltway Sniper. (tbs, ew)
LILY ALLEN – suffered a miscarriage last week, and over the weekend she was hospitalized with a blood disease called septicemia, which “accounts for tens of thousands of fatalities per year.” Her life is so tragic all of a sudden, she’s like one of those women in the bible. (la times)
MICHAEL JACKSON - has a new record coming out in December, and the first single was released today. It’s a terrible, terrible song, but it’s Michael Jackson so they’re gonna sell it anyway. In 10 years they’re gonna dig him up, take his femur and play his ribs like a xylophone and call it ALL NEW MICHAEL JACKSON MUSIC!!! (mj.com)