Demi Lovato Denies Ripping Song

By Lex July 02, 2015 @ 11:27 AM

Demi Lovato Black Bikini Top In NYC
Demi Lovato’s camped wasted no time jumping the lesbian experimentation money train with her song Cool for Summer. Hint, she tries kissing a girl. Seems edgy. Where’s my drachma? Critics are suggesting the song seems like an intentional rip of Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl which now seems culturally groundbreaking by comparison. It was also noted that Cool for Summer sounds like ten other songs currently out possibly because they’re all made in the same factory in Van Nuys waiting to be doled out arbitrarily to 20s somethings with eating disorders in cut-out bras.  Lovato defended her song by irrelevantly invoking gay rights:

…sounds nothing like [I Kissed a Girl] and with all the advances we’ve made in the LGBT community…

No need for form a complete sentence. Point taken. Whatever it is. If I could see her belly button and maybe her last two cutting scars, I could probably come up with a definitive answer on the copyright claims. Until then, stare into her tits. This isn’t John Tesh at Red Rocks. There is no deeper message.

Photo Credit: Getty

Demi Lovato Falls For Bruce Jenner

By Matt April 28, 2015 @ 7:34 AM

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Demi Lovato dedicated her song Warrior to Bruce Jenner while on tour in New Zealand for having the courage to promote a stupid reality show where the season finale will culminate with him wearing a dress and baking a cobbler. Jenner puts our men and women in uniform to shame with his super ballsy shaved trachea. Lovato was really impressed:

“I just want to dedicate this song… It’s so cheesy that I’m even doing this, but fuck it, whatever. I want to dedicate it to someone who became an even bigger hero last night: Bruce Jenner!”

Note that Lovato already considered Jenner a hero. One might think this was in reference to his Olympic gold medal, but nobody under twice Lovato’s age has any real recollection of Bruce Jenner the athlete. You know the Jenner who shuffles around his house while his step children get pounded raw on camera in the room upstairs. Less of a hero than a creepy sap with problems like the rest of us, though slightly different. I demand a little more of my heroes, like that they not be a cast member on a show which is drowning American culture in a pool of lube and fragrances. Also, maybe they didn’t kill anybody in a car crash recently. Martin Luther King’s family might write you a letter for a shoutout at your next concert.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Demi Lovato Lacks Thigh Gap, Sallys Forth

By Lex April 21, 2015 @ 10:14 AM

Demi Lovato Leggy Performance
Nothing says I’m battling the objectification of women like shifting the body acceptance conversation into parts. Lovato wants girls to know it’s cool if you don’t have a thigh gap, you can still be a doctor or lawyer, just not an engineer because you know why.

“For some reason, this whole thigh gap thing has kind of swept over what people think is beautiful and if you have that naturally, then that’s totally fine, you’re still beautiful. My body doesn’t naturally have that.”

It’s common for young media stars to confuse Instagram with the real world. I don’t remember the thigh gap sweeping over the offline land so much. Is she decent looking and does she put out still remain dominant in dating decisions. Lovato’s mom got her into bulimia before she was even on solid foods. Back alley of the Gymboree chanting ‘fat girls don’t get on Barney’. I think all the public libraries are now closed. There’s nowhere left for girls to hide. Plug into the Matrix. Life gets better for you at 25.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Demi Lovato Motivated

By Matt March 31, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

DLovato

Demi Lovato is a proponent of healthy body image for women. As opposed to those who aren’t. This means she’ll post tons of photos of herself when she’s feeling super in shape and pretend she just wants everybody to accept those who aren’t so tight. It’s like Mr. T telling you to eat your vegetables. Unless you’ve got steroid muscles, a mohawk and fifty pounds of gold chain, all you’re getting out of that is a regular bowel movement. Demi’s self acceptance is belied by a seemingly psychotic mission to work out:

“I want success more than I want sleep.. And that’s why nothing stops me from killing the gym on Saturday mornings..”

Don’t people go to the gym to get thinner? Sure there are a few chicks doing power squats but mostly they’re sweating it out to house music thinking about that moment of weakness when they had that second rice cake and let Jeremy Piven enter their sacred space. The ones logging long hours are typically deeply insecure and trying to make up for it. It’s one or the other Demi. Just ask the dog with the boner.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Demi Lovato Thigh Gap Speaks

By Matt March 02, 2015 @ 7:33 AM

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Demi Lovato posted a photo of her pubic mound along with some self-inspired musings about having a healthy body image and followed it with a bunch of pics of herself psychotically working out at the gym after she had a bite of cheesecake:

“Regardless of what society tells you these days… You don’t have to have a thigh gap to be beautiful. It is possible to love your body the way it is. #fitness #health #acceptance #selflove… Don’t train to be skinny, train to be a #badass”

I don’t remember anyone ever saying you had to have a thigh gap to be beautiful. In fact I’ve only heard the term mentioned by stocky chicks and a chorus of the black dudes and neck beards cheering them on while trying to bang them. Also if you love your body the way it is why commit to countless hours at the gym? The whole point of working out is to change your body. Chicks who love themselves unconditionally are typically entitled nightmares who have flabby asses because their faces are pretty. Self loathing Bugs Bunny looking chicks have stripper bodies and are dead inside. Then there’s your average cool normal chick you see in the movies. Regardless, Lovato deserves a pat on the back because her thighs healthfully squish her vagina. If you happened to be born taller than her you don’t know what love is.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Demi Lovato Seems Healthier

By Lex January 21, 2015 @ 8:34 AM

Demi Lovato Panty Peek Leaving With Boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama
Demi Lovato credits her boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama for banging the bulimia out of her. Demi’s been upchucking her food since kindergarten when her mom first pounded into her how good girls don’t. She meant eat. Not sex, because that came a couple years later when sold into the servitude of the raping purple dinosaur. Just fifteen years and a couple thousand self-injuries later, Demi has found solace in the arms of an older man who has fucked the eating disorders out of most of young Hollywood. Until he sees you shit out that sandwich, you get no special Wilmer hugs. I know you never thought of that angle for getting laid. Douchebag genius.

Photo Credit: Splash/PacificCoastNews