Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Getty
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Getty
Photo Credit: Demi Lovato/Instagram
Demi Lovato has bipolar disorder in no way associated with being thrown into world of high pressure television and institutionalized molestation from a very early age. Barney and her mom and her psychotic delusion named Big Dick Steve can’t hurt her anymore since she got back onto a regular routine of medications and revealing selfies. Not necessarily including those nude ones with Wilmer Valderrama. That was old self-medicated Demi. Now she’s on the proper pharmaceuticals, her ass looks amazing in a thong and she’s ready to win a Grammy and an Oscar. I’d like some of those pills she’s on.
Photo Credit: Instagram
I’m pretty sure every woman has a sex tape or naked photos of themselves floating around the Internet somewhere. If my mom called and told me we had to talk, I’d slam the phone down before she could cry about a clip of her and Sam the Butcher getting jiggy on 4Chan. Demi Lovato hasn’t been right since Barney made her do nasty from me to you kisses with Baby Bop in the playhouse. She inherited an eating disorder from her mom. By nine she was choking out her Oscar Meyer snack packs to keep her junior muffin top at bay. Then came cutting and drugs and worst of all, sex with Wilmer Valderrama. That right there should be enough to make you send back the lunch you already ate. Now, somebody’s shopping her sex tape and leaking out pictures that sure do look like her showing all kinds of human like intimacy and some titties. I’d say she made some unfortunate decisions in her life, but that’d just be the drugs talking. Hers, not mine. I think the bigger lesson learned here is that Corey Feldman has been right all along. Hollywood is a bunch of creepy sex fiends and pedophiles and opportunists looking to get over on stage kids either too young or too fucked up to know any better. I’m not blaming Wilmer, he lacks the intellectual capacity to be a conspirator. I’m going to go ahead and blame Demi’s mom, for being mental. And also for pushing her daughter into stardom when going to school, meeting cute boys, and maybe going on to be an interior decorator would’ve perhaps proved healthier. But that’s just me being all judgmental while I stare at Demi’s tits.
Kathy Griffin is 54-years old and has made a career out of shitting on celebrities, both talented and worthless, and Demi Lovato is 21, a popular singer and one of the judges on one of those stupid singing shows. Despite their three decade age difference, the two are apparently in a Twitter feud because Kathy called Demi the “biggest celebrity douche” after she acted outraged over Lady Gaga letting an “artist” vomit on her at SXSW. Demi’s fans have been calling for Kathy to kill herself in a variety of colorful ways ever since Demi Tweeted and deleted the above photo, but this whole thing is just way too stupid to devote even this much time to. If these two don’t like each other and want to settle it, they should have to fight to the death. That’s how all bullshit twitter feuds should have to end from here on out, because social media should only be used by unknown models who want to post nude photos. All the rest of this bullshit is just interfering with it.
I come to this tale with a little jealousy. I’ve been wanting to vomit on Lady Gaga’s face long before this fancy pants performance artist came and spit up colored milk all over her damaged koala looking frontside. I once saw a performance artist shove a potato up her ass and recite the names of the Presidents she claimed were responsible for imperialism. It made me feel ashamed, mostly for the lengths I went to get laid in college. That tuber up the ass was minor spectacle compared to seeing Millie Brown bulimia her colorful dairy all over Gaga at SXSW, that festival in Austin that you really need to start telling people you attended. Fuck Coachella, this is the new hipster cool points. Lady Gaga found being barfed on so liberating that she posted a picture of herself naked in the bathtub cleaning off the puke:
I loved every moment with you Austin. Last nights show healed my soul. Creative Rebellion is ARTPOP. Release yourself from every expectation. Be free.
If that doesn’t inspire you to want to have some nasty chick upchuck spoiled cream on you, nothing will. I can only imagine how millions of Little Monsters have reordered their disaffected teen bucket lists, completely forgoing their previous goal of having a gay BFF who holds them while they cut the word ARTPOP into their flabby forearms.
Demi Lovato, a known eating disorder sufferer, sees the liberating puking performance art a bit differently. She thought it glorified bulimia and took to Twitter to talk truth to power:
Demi Lovato then went on to Tweet some more analogies about cutting and drugs and other things under her broad life experiences belt. She raised the important philosophical point that just because you call something ‘art’ doesn’t mean it’s inherently worthwhile. Sadly, she couldn’t complete the logic circle and bring that back to her own musical endeavors. The puking performance artist countered Demi Lovato’s assertions with a whole bunch of chatter that made no sense and gave me a huge fucking headache to try and understand. I think it mostly boiled down to, my dad never loved me, so I’m gonna keep on barfing milk on whoever the hell I want. Female empowerment is so incredibly complicated. We really need to work on getting more girls into sports.
Photo Credit: www.littlemonsters.com