By Lex January 21, 2015 @ 8:34 AM
Demi Lovato credits her boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama for banging the bulimia out of her. Demi’s been upchucking her food since kindergarten when her mom first pounded into her how good girls don’t. She meant eat. Not sex, because that came a couple years later when sold into the servitude of the raping purple dinosaur. Just fifteen years and a couple thousand self-injuries later, Demi has found solace in the arms of an older man who has fucked the eating disorders out of most of young Hollywood. Until he sees you shit out that sandwich, you get no special Wilmer hugs. I know you never thought of that angle for getting laid. Douchebag genius.
Photo Credit: Splash/PacificCoastNews
By Lex December 16, 2014 @ 2:40 PM
Demi Lovato is another in the chain of girls whose parents told them to let Barney touch them in their special spots if he promised they could continue to be his onscreen friend at SAG-weekly rates. Kids raised in Kurdish bombed out villages have statistically better outcomes than kids who came in contact with the purple dinosaur. When Baby Bop crossed the room in her leg irons to whisper, run, Demi, run, you should’ve listened. Granted, your mom would’ve put you right back because waitressing sucks that much. Besides, look at what’s become of you. Shut up with the cutting and the drugs and the bulimia and the suicide attempts, do you think any of your kindergarten classmates grew up to get a feature spread in Allure? Go write your mom a nice card.
Photo Credit: Allure
By Matt November 25, 2014 @ 6:07 AM
Demi Lovato announced she “has nothing in common” with Miley Cyrus because she was conducting an interview and had to say something quote worthy. Cyrus and Lovato were best friends until Lovato had a nervous breakdown and was found to be a bipolar bulimic self harming cocaine addict. This is known to happen in the company of Cyrus as your post dildo themed rave serotonin levels dip until your body tells itself it’s dead now. The two are on a different trajectory. Cyrus may not reach the rehab milestone for years to come and it will probably coincide with nobody giving a shit about her anymore. In the meantime it’s best the two avoid each other. While Lovato struggles to maintain her sobriety, Cyrus is currently struggling to remain not sober. It’s a constant battle but usually ends well with anonymous sex you can’t remember. With any luck the two can rekindle their friendship. It would be a Shakespearian tragedy if Lovato’s relapses should coincide with Cyrus’ eventual rehab stints.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex September 15, 2014 @ 12:34 PM
Demi Lovato is kicking off a world tour which I think means Florida plus the Twin Cities. Her publicists have her out promoting the tour by first threatening any and all publications that they are not to discuss her personal life, celebrity feuds, boyfriend troubles, cutting, drinking, drugs, bulimia, exploitative parents, leaked nude photos, the Ukraine situation, or what Barney did or did not do to her in the woodshed while drinking a bottle of Jack and crying about the extinction of his species. Allowable topics include tour dates, how singing is Demi’s art, how she spends her free time helping charities and inspiring, and if you want to get crazy, you can ask her about her new inspirational book coming out for $19.95. It’s unfortunate, because I’d really like to get to know the real Demi Lovato. Or at least see all her naked photos.
Photo Credit: INF
By Lex June 24, 2014 @ 1:01 PM
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Getty
By Lex June 18, 2014 @ 10:53 AM
Photo Credit: Demi Lovato/Instagram