One time me and my buddy Randy and my buddy Dave were bow hunting and we were in the cabin on the first night knocking down bottles of Southern Comfort, because we’re hicks from Louisiana and that’s what we drink.  Anyway, Dave passed out at around 3am so of course me and Randy dragged him into the woods and stripped him naked and rolled him onto his stomach and poured about 4 bottles of Doe In Heat on his ass.  If you don’t know, Doe In Heat is urine of a female deer and it’s used to attract male deer.  Just a few drops will attract every buck within a hundred miles.  The plan was to have some huge stag come mount Dave, but we were making tons of noise, and so unfortunately no deer ever made love to Daves anus.  Which is probably for the best, since an erect deer penis is about four feet long, and I bet Dave would have been pretty surprised to get sodomized by that, to wake up with that pressing against his heart and collapsing his rectum.  It would have been worth it though because we could have said, “Wow, he deer-ly loves you Dave!” “What an en-deer-ing couple you two make!”  Ha!

Anyway, Demi Lovato went on twitter and she has red hair now.

Apparently a lot of people were talking about the way Demi Lovato looked at the VMAs on Sunday, specifically about the weight she’s gained since leaving rehab, because she went on her twitter and said…

Guess what, I’m healthy and happy, and if you’re hating on my weight you obviously aren’t. :)

And Ashley Greene sent her a poorly spelled message saying “your beautiful”, to which Demi replied…

this is why you’re my friend.. Thank you girl.

Which is kind of weird because it was when Joe Jonas broke up with Demi Lovato and then dated Ashley Greene that Demi lost it and ended up in rehab for cutting, an eating disorder, drugs, and anger management. But she seems happy now so good for her. And if she can find a way to go back in time to when being fat was a sign of status and privilege, she’ll be all set.

Apparently there’s some fantasy world where people who seek help for a mental illness are openly taunted and beaten up, because when Catherine Zeta Jones announced that she was bi-polar last week, Demi Lovato went on twitter and said…

“I don’t know Catherine Zeta-Jones personally but what she has decided to do it SO brave. It’s SO difficult but worth it… I’m proud of her.”

Guess why she wants to stress how amazing that sort of thing is.

Demi Lovato is bravely opening up about her private struggles – not only with anorexia and bulimia, but also with bipolar disorder.
“I never found out until I went into treatment that I was bipolar,” Lovato told PEOPLE.
“Looking back it makes sense. There were times when I was so manic, I was writing seven songs in one night and I’d be up until 5:30 in the morning.”

Granted that doesn’t sound so bad on the surface, but all seven songs were about murdering Ashley Greene.

Some candid pictures of Demi Lovato have leaked online, and if you think you’re excited to see her grinding on other girls and licking them, check out the dude who’s actually in the room with them. That dude just came in his pants.

Is there anything worse for the reputation of a teen Disney Channel star than allegations of her doing cocaine and acting like a slut at a party? It hasn’t been released or even verified yet, but yes, actually, there is.

Disney starlet Demi Lovato is caught on camera snorting cocaine in a shocking booze and drugs binge.
A friend who witnessed the 18-year-old do lines of coke at a party in North Richland Hills, Texas, told Radar: “Demi was belligerent, being slutty and doing coke all over the house. The guy who hosted the party shot multiple videos of this and what I’ve seen with my eyes, Demi is screaming, ‘F**k all of you, I’m famous, I don’t care what any of you think of me the whole world loves me.’ He shot her in the bathroom as she was finishing a line (of cocaine).”

I feel bad for Demi, but I also feel bad for me. I was making popcorn balls on Friday nights when I was 18. Her parties sound way more fun.