Rachel Stevens Is the Hottest Woman Ever

By Lex June 04, 2014 @ 9:01 AM

FHM decided to underwhelm Maxim’s hottest woman in the world unspectacular with their very own hottest woman ever in the history of mankind list. People just love lists, at least when they have their mobile phone with them on the shitter. FHM chose Rachel Stevens, a former British pop singer who looks a lot like Jewel and used to lip-synch crappy songs with horrific dance moves. She’s not bad looking and she spends her free time bringing clean water to North African children who otherwise have to drink slightly moistened sand. How could you not love her? FHM brought in a group of top British scientists to regression analysis their hottest woman votes of the past 20 years. Rachel Stevens name came out on top. I believe these are the same British scientists who concluded that fluoride is a pointless mineral and that Harry is somehow biologically Charles’ son. FHM’s once mighty British print magazine is circling the toilet right behind Maxim, with circulation down 85% since their heyday last decade. I’m not good with math, but I think once you’re down 100%, they come and take the furniture and change the locks. That will be a sad day, or what they call in Britain, Wednesday next.

Photo Credit: FHM

Brittany Oldehoff Does Lingerie Up Proper (VIDEO)

By Lex March 07, 2013 @ 5:23 PM

Tall hot girls from Florida always seem to end up marrying tawdry older real estate dudes who bang their secretaries when their wife is out at Pilates (men really are like that, the rumors are true). Project Runway model Brittany Oldehoff has a few years yet before her intergenerational marriage and inevitable messy divorce ensues, in which time she’s going to make a shit ton of hot videos and photo spreads, showing off what the Good Lord gave her. As it should be.

Here’s Brittany in FHM this month squeezing her own boobs. Girls who squeeze their own boobs are much hotter than girls who do not. Note to girls who want to look hot, squeeze your own boobs.