Some Movies Are Stupid, Some Are Stupid And Filled With Topless Women So Slightly Less Stupid

By Lex December 15, 2014 @ 2:11 PM

Free The Nipple Screencaps
Given that there’s little worth protesting in New York these days, many women have turned their injustice proboscises toward the inalienable right to flash their tits in public just like men who don’t have tits. I’d support the right of good looking women with nice racks to do anything. If FSU sorority girls were torturing Taliban, nobody would give a fuck provided they did it in tank tops and took pictures. If only this were so simple. Much like yoga pants and tattoos, the right to do things that look super fucking hot on attractive women extends to all women. You’re forever a slippery slope away from Rosie O’Donnell in low handing Lululemon’s flashing her Ladies Go to the Front tramp stamp. Nobody in good conscience can allow for that.

Some chicks made a movie called Free the Nipple¬†around the Free the Nipple hashtag movement and Scout Willis tits on Twitter. It’s a scripted piece posing as a documentary posing as an excuse to show lots of topless chicks in Manhattan. It’s the true definition of a mixed bag. You’d think it would be hard to make a bad movie that featured dozens of bare breasted women. But then maybe you’ve never seen the Dr. Mengele films from the death camps. This isn’t quite as bad, but if you download it on Amazon you’re likely to get the Mengele tapes recommended under ‘People Who Bought This Also Bought’. That Amazon recommendation engine is like a window into your soul.

Photo Credit: Free The Nipple

Rumer Willis Leads Charge to Free the Nipples

By Lex June 23, 2014 @ 1:34 PM


The Free the Nipple campaign started with such high minded ideals. Like getting Instagram to allow moderately unattractive women to show pictures of their bare tits without having their accounts suspended. For some reason the Facebook family of soul selling social media outlets doesn’t allow nipples to be shown in any visual medium on their sites. At the same time, Jihadi beheadings and men recounting tales of their last domestic abuse seem to be cool. I’d question the relative moral legitimacy of the nipple ban but then Zuckerberg would back up a dump truck and have me drowned in a sea of hundred dollar bills as his way of screaming ‘scoreboard, motherfucker!.

Rumer Willis and her band of women you’d have no interest in seeing topless banded together at the SkyBar in West Hollywood for a fundraiser of unclear purpose. Nobody actually showed off their nipples save for one woman who breastfed her baby after she had accidentally shown up to the wrong protest. Herein lies the fundamental flaw in almost all bra burning feminist protests. The lack of hot women. That’s the game changer. You can’t win the Super Bowl without a Super Bowl quarterback. It’s cute that women think earnest intentions are enough. It’s like men who think growing a mustache will get them laid. Wake me when you’ve got some Brazilian supermodels in the mix. I’d sell my original series Fantastic Four #3 mint-condition to free those nipples. Rumer Willis can keep her shirt on. The world will still spin. Flame on.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Getty