You’d think that an 18-year old girl with giant fake breasts and bleached-blonde hair would be considered a true American hero and national treasure, but Courtney Stodden has done her best to make sure that she’s the glaring exception. Maybe it’s because she married a guy who is old enough to be her dad or mom’s porn co-star or maybe it’s because she doesn’t have any talent or charm to go along with her massive fake breasts, but either way, most people seem to hate Courtney.
She didn’t help her cause any over the weekend, as the self-proclaimed “reality TV personality posted yet another video message for her fans, creepily wishing everyone a happy Easter. Although, she was a bit more conservative than usual, as Courtney only nibbled on some baby carrots. Whatever, I’m sure she’ll make up for it by giving birth to a watermelon in a heartfelt Mother’s Day video.
On Sunday, a 30-year old adult male who calls himself Mr. Eyelidz is going to be crucified on live television, thanks to the fine folks at BattleCam.com and KILM television in Los Angeles. Eyelidz (or Robert Garrison as his parents once called him before giving up) is a sado-masochist, so he is going to enjoy having 12-inch iron nails hammered into his hands and feet before being left to hang on a giant wooden cross for seven hours. But it’s all in the name of Easter, according to liars.
Behind it all is billionaire Alki David, who owns both BattleCam and FilmOn, which runs KILM, and with all that cash, he’s certainly no stranger to PR stunts. For example, he’s launching a $100 million ad campaign to promote FilmOn as a brand new “free” TV streaming service, so what better way to kick start that campaign than with a man potentially killing himself live on a religious holiday?
Of course, not everyone is excited about this actual public crucifixion, especially David Phelps, the son of human trash fire and Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps. Because he’ll talk to anyone with a camera, David met up with some guy in an RV to remind everyone that “God hates fags” before a naked 500-pound man named Billy the Fridge emerged from the bathroom and tried to attack him.
It’s basically what Rush Limbaugh’s wife calls “Tuesday”.
Jesus came back from the dead yesterday, but the real winners were the people on Miami Beach who got to see Swiss model and apparent godless heathen Michelle Hunziker in a bikini. A dumb Ed Hardy bikini, but when your body is this perfect it doesn’t matter what you wear as long as it fits like a tattoo. Just like when I do the stairmaster at the gym in my red and white lycra singlet.
Katy Perry spent Easter Sunday with bf Russel Brand in Los Feliz, wearing a bikini top and some bunny ears that pointed all the way to heaven praise His name. At least I hope this was for Easter. Either that or they just ruined someones funeral.
Little kids love Easter because they get tons of candy and go on big scavenger hunts and run around like maniacs. It’s a great day to be a kid. Unless you’re mom is Kate Gosselin, who is a mean bitch that will yell at you all day. Literally no one on earth is less qualified to raise 8 kids. She has no patience and can never seem to get away from them fast enough. Conner Peterson had better parents than these poor kids.