Jim Jefferies has a bit about the 10 commandments where he says that instead of 10 all you really need is one; Try not to be a cunt. Just try. Do your best. It’s good advice in life, and even better advice for going on a radio show.
Well yesterday Paris Hilton did an interview with Opie and Anthony and Jim Norton, and she didn’t do that. Instead she was a boring cunt. She was there to promote ‘The World According to Paris’ (which desperately needs it), and her plan to do that was to sit perfectly still and occasionally mumble for 10 minutes. What a natural born entertainer she is. After seeing this I want to go buy another DVR so I can tape her show twice.
If not for the out of control drug addiction, paranoia, violence and crime sprees, Charlie Sheen would be pretty cool. Or at least fun to hang out with. The trick is block out everything else and focus all your attention on the prostitutes and whores.
Luckily that’s what Jim Norton of the Opie and Anthony show is best at, as proven once again in todays New York Post…
“As far as I’m concerned, if you make $2 million a week and you don’t have a hooker in your hotel room, you’re creepy and I don’t trust you. And I don’t do drugs at all, so for me it would just be more prostitutes. That’s how they would find me. I would be dead on the floor, flattened by a pile of prostitutes. I’d look like a cat in a hoarders’ house.”
I should probably stop having Jim Norton quotes on the page, at least in the morning, because let’s not kid each other, it’s all downhill from here. If this were a relay race, he’d have taken the lead, handed me the baton, my pants would fall down, I’d drop the baton, trip, and somehow have it go right up my ass when I fell down.
Montana Fishburne was on Opie and Anthony this morning, and I don’t know how I expected her to sound but she seemed delightful. She sounded perky and adorable, especially while saying she’s wanted to do porn since she was 16, wants to do more, and is even open for anal (see what I did there). Among the highlights:
- When asked about her arrest for prostitution, she denied it, simple saying, “No, I’ve never been a prostitute.”
- She confirmed that the sex tape was shot specifically to be released as a movie, and though she refused to identify the guy in the movie, she implied that it’s her boyfriend.
- She explained that she used her real name because everyone would have known who she is anyway, so an alias was kind of pointless.
- She said she understands why her dad is embarrassed but hopes they can reconcile.
Yeah it turns out when parents say all they want is for their little girl to be happy, they mean it’s okay for her to go to college out of state, not to go into porn and drill some guy in the ass with a strap-on while people film it.
It’s possible this fancy gentleman was offended by a young lady wearing a hat indoors, and in this clip he’s saying, “Madam please remove your hat” in accordance with Jim Nortons Hat Removal Service, but more likely is WHATTHEFUCKWASTHAT!
MTV is getting tons of very justified criticism for their new show “Jersey Shore”, and not just from groups offended by what they consider Italian stereotypes, but because of the preview clip during the closing credits showing female castmate Snookie getting punched in the face. Hard.
Domino’s Pizza has already pulled their ads from the show, and others are threatening to do the same. I’m no PC homo but it’s sort of amazing they would show a clip of a girl getting punched in the face. Although to be fair to the dude I wanted to at least smack her in the head and I was barely even paying attention.
Most celebrity interviews suck and no one ever says anything good because most celebrities are functional retards who only got where they are based on being pretty and you would smell hair burning if they ever had a thought.
But put Sharon Osbourne in a studio with Opie and Anthony and Jim Norton, and in less than 2 minutes you’ll get Sharon saying Susan Boyle looks like a “slapped ass”, Norton comparing her hair to a Gene Wilder wig, and Sharon saying God gave Boyle talent but then “hit her with a fuckin ugly stick”.
The youtube for all this is under the cut because Jodie Sweetin and her huge jugs were also on O and A that morning. I was gonna post the video up top and skip this picture altogether, but then at the last minute I remembered I wasn’t gay.
