Kate Upton is going to break many hearts and cause a lot of fist fights before she ultimately ends up the fourth and likely favorite wife of a Middle Eastern prince. That’s the jackpot for a girl like Kate who will get tired of starving for jobs at the point when she finds a guy with oil money who likes his ladies blonde and big and covered in Thousand Island dressing. What I’m saying is you don’t have a lot of time left to pretend she’s your girlfriend.
Photo Credit: Vogue
The problem with using punk rock as a theme for an event that is attended by actresses is that most of them have no clue what punk means, so they just throw a bunch of shit into a box and pick articles of clothing at random while people tell them how awesome they look. That’s how you get Sarah Jessica Parker showing up the Met Gala as a Tim Burton villain and Nicole Richie auditioning to be young Storm in the next X-Men film.
Fortunately, some of the women who attend the annual ball play it safe and just wear a nice dress, which is what Kate Upton did last night. Although, if there’s one woman we’d actually prefer to see wearing clothes that looked like they were shredded by the wolfman, it’d be Kate. Hell, the least she could do is show a nip every now and then. It’d be a billion times better than staring at Parker’s crotch.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
Kate Upton is an insanely gorgeous supermodel with awesome tits, she also apparently has an awesome sense of humor, and let Ken Jeong (Leslie Chow from the Hangover) follow her around videotaping himself photobombing her GQ photoshoot a couple years back. Sadly the video doesn’t feature a completely naked Upton, but it does show a small hairless Asian man using a pool noodle as a penis, and that’s something we can all rally around.
If Kate Upton aspires to be a serious actress someday, or, fuck it, even a decent one, she’s off to a pretty bad start. Her debut was in the awful Tower Heist and she followed that up with the even worse The Three Stooges, but those were both roles that mostly required her to stand around and look pretty and have huge breasts, so she can’t really be faulted.
But now she might actually get a chance to speak more than a few lines as, according to Vanity Fair, she’s in talks to join Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann in The Other Woman, in which she’ll play a girl who finds out that her man is actually married, so she teams up with Diaz and Mann to make him pay.
A lot of people like to complain about Kate’s success, saying that she’s not that hot or aside from her giant tits, her body isn’t that great. So this is a pretty smart move by the model, because if there’s one way to prove to people that you’re incredibly attractive, it’s standing next to Cameron Diaz.
UPDATE: Kate Upton’s boobs tweeted yesterday that they are not letting Diddy titty-fuck them, despite sources in Miami and New York spotting the two together in intimate settings.
Or to be more exact, Kate Upton responded: “Really??? Not at all true..” to a tweet from The Cut claiming “.@KateUpton and @IAmDiddy seen sucking face and dining out!”
Well of course she’s denying it after she saw the world’s reaction yesterday to what a tool he is. You think I’d cop to some of the douche monkeys I banged when I was 20? Or maybe her perfectly full tits bounced up and bitch slapped her in the face to remind her how much better she can do. Or maybe she read about how he’s sending his children to school covered in cocaine.
Anyway, I don’t know what pills you fuckers down in Miami are on, but here in New York, we may be drunks, but we know a covert sexual meet up when we see one. Until Kate shows me a photo of her all alone in the Bowery Hotel diddling herself and NOT plowing Diddy as rumors indicate, I’m sticking to my guns and saying she totally let him stick it in.
Diddy and Kate Upton are dating.
The only way I can begin to fathom this information is to remind myself that models are dumb, in this case retarded. Kate Upton is the most desired woman in America. She has the most perfect tits to ever grace to cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit and the face of an angel. She could have any man in the entire world. If she wanted someone black and powerful she could steal Barack away from Michelle and become the god-damn first lady if she wanted to and she chose DIDDY?????? He’s not even supposed to be good in bed, Karrine Steffans wrote about it in The Vixen Diaries.
A source says the two met in Miami at a party thrown by Diddy at club LIV on March 24th when Kate joined him in the VIP session and the two were seen making out. They then met up in New York and were seen having an intimate dinner at Gemma in the Bowery Hotel. Diddy is an embarrassingly horrible rapper, can’t act, sure he’s rich as fuck, but so is Upton. She’s made millions modeling, not to mention the family money she was born into thanks to her grandfather co-founding Whirlpool Corporation.
Go ahead and fire the missels North Korea, there’s no hope left for America.
