Katy Perry Dazed And Confused At The Golden Globes

By Lex January 11, 2016 @ 9:05 AM

Katy Perry Dazed And Confused At The Golden Globes
Give Katy Perry the benefit of the doubt and assume she was super fucking high at the Golden Globes. The other option is retarded but I’m told that’s not a diagnosis based on who you’re fucking. This may be the closest she’s ever come to being perfect. Her big tits dangling in an ill-fitting dress as she traversed the paranoia spectrum assuring herself nobody noticed her tripping. DiCaprio was seen vaping, but he’s DiCaprio. His night ends with an award on his nightstand and a hot chick on his dick no matter how fucked up he is. Her tits are magnificent. Somebody tee up Kraftwerk and let’s see if we can’t get her to dance topless.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid And Alessandra Ambrosio Getting Paid

By Lex September 17, 2015 @ 10:08 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio And Kendall Jenner Lead The Harpers Bazaar Icons Event
Fashion Week separates the wheat from the chaff. It’s all fun and games to pretend you’re hot at 5’1″ with an obscenely plumped up bottoms and titties, but when these fashion houses are plunking down millions to sell simply stunning variations of the same shit they’ve all been selling for years, that’s when the body shaming begins for real. Haute couture doesn’t tolerate a fat ass. Tall, slender, and can you go braless without the one straight dude in the audience instinctively tossing in fives. It’s okay squat trolls, it’s still you we’re calling at 3am after leaving The Anchor. Take pride in your work. Kendall for show, Kylie for play, by way of short hand.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Katy Perry Massive Handprints

By Lex September 09, 2015 @ 9:12 AM

Katy Perry Big Handprints In Hollywood
Somebody who deserves a lot more respect than he’s receiving this morning convinced Katy Perry she had to get on all fours to dip her hands into cement in front of the Chinese Theater. Beautiful people were gathered in gowns for the premiere of a fashion documentary nobody will ever see but will be deemed a success for how much fun was had making it.

Katy Perry makes stupid faces when paparazzi take her picture in public. She’s still embarrassed about showing off her tits for attention. It’s sad in a way. I wish I could hold her breasts firmly and tell her everything’s going to be alright. It’s a stretch after fucking Russell Brand and John Mayer. When you fuck somebody you’re fucking everybody they’ve ever fucked, which in this case probably includes each other. I’d return to the childhood advice of her parents. Pray daily for your soul and for the destruction of the Jews. Even if you only succeed with one out of two, you still get heaven.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Katy Perry Seems Bored

By Lex July 28, 2015 @ 8:18 AM

Katy Perry Short Hair And Cleavy For Vogue Japan
Katy Perry seems like she finished what she came here to do. Make a buttload of cash as Raffi with tits. The ongoing fake Twitter feud between Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift and Perry speaks to Perry’s dispassion. She couldn’t even drum up reasonably feigned outrage. Raffi refused to take a Baby Beluga movie deal on moral grounds. You’ve sucked in anything green and on paper like an F5 hooker tornado. You could buy your parents that Jew-free world they’ve always dreamed of. Digesting your mad meals is a treasure like no other. It’s time for your ninth VH-1 retrospective. This is what real smiles feel like.

Photo Credit: Giampaolo Sgura For Vogue Japan

Katy Perry Is Rich

By Lex June 30, 2015 @ 12:43 PM


Katy Perry made the cover of Forbes magazine because she raked $135 million in earnings the past twelve months from live performances, music sales, commercial endorsements, and taking in neighbors’ laundry at seventeen cents per pound. Perry noted that many women in the past have shied away from taking the Forbes cover for rich ass celebrities because they felt it might look like flaunting or bragging, while she owns the fact that even as a woman she’s been able to get teens and troubled older women to buy her crappy music to the tune of three steel sheds filled with hundreds. As her daddy always told her, the Jews are going to take it all anyhow, might as well enjoy it while you can. Who feels like a plastic bag now, motherfuckers?

Photo Credit: Forbes

Katy Perry’s Flower Problems And Shit Around The Web

By Michael May 01, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Katy Perry pissed off commie officials in China by wearing a stupid looking dress made out of sunflowers. Apparently sunflowers are the symbol of some anti-government protest group in China called the Runflowers. Yeah, screw you.

Read all about this international floral incident. (Huffington Post)

Barbara Streisand’s bitch bit a flight attendant. (TMZ)

Lais Rebeiro is wearing a whole lot of not much lingerie. (Egotastic)

Alexis Ren bikinis the fuck out of your eyeballs. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jehane Gigi Paris makes my pee pee dance. (Hollywood Tuna)

Sarah Stephens models some lingerie just for you. (Popoholic)

Boobs are great, but when they bounce…(The Chive)