Katy Perry Wins a Vaunted Aria

By Lex November 28, 2014 @ 9:19 AM

Katy Perry See Through Skirt At ARIA Awards
Katy Perry skipped the American Music Awards earlier this week because she was winning an even bigger award in Australia, the rake of half a mill a night in appearance fees. Also, the Australians made up some kind of accolate to give her since they know they have to try just a little harder to get the cool people to come to their parties because they live so far away. Katy Perry was pretty much the only person not to show up to the AMA’s despite being honored by the super important bogus awards. This puts her in Marlon Brando and Jack Nicholson territory where you have other people accept major awards on your behalf because you’re busy getting baked and watching the laser show at the planetarium. Player. She had a better week than Ferguson.

Photo Credit: Getty

Katy Perry Bikini Pictures Grinding One Out

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 9:15 AM

Katy-Perry-Bikini-Party-Australian-Yacht-lb
It takes nothing more than a boatful of backup dancer and a couple Foster’s to get Katy Perry shaking her ass. It also might be the privacy of an offshore yacht, bolstered by the conference that telescopic lenses on cameras will not be invented until 2037. I’m just glad Katy’s happy again after going through all the things she’s been through, not much of which seems particularly difficult, but struggle makes for good magazine copy. I’m not going to comment on her thighs because I don’t want the hate mail. But were I too comment, I might tell her next husband to beware, he’s getting Lammily, not Barbie.

Photo credit: INF Photos

Don’t Fuck With A Nude Katy Perry

By Matt November 24, 2014 @ 6:29 AM

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Katy Perry was trying to enjoy a quiet day butt naked at a nude beach in Australia like the Constitution mandates and started getting hassled by photographers. To not draw attention to themselves the paparazzi stripped naked as well and continued bothering Perry and her friends and probably jerked off in some bushes. They apparently snapped some photos of Perry’s lady parts and offered to trade them for some bikini posing shots. At this point Perry said fuck it, tucked her labia in, and wrote a solid Twitter diatribe.

Point Perry. Not for spelling obviously. But that sicko comment had to hurt a guy going for a $100,000 paycheck for five minutes of work. Katy posted retaliations photos of the other paparazzi in an apparent attempt at shaming because like holocaust deniers paparazzi are so very easily shamed. At some point you just have to chalk it up to the fact you’ve made a fortune in large part because you’ve got a body people want to see naked. I’d make it more of a game. Take off your clothes in more places and hire a special forces sniper who takes out the paparazzi who go for the golden snap. Maybe he doesn’t need to kill them, just assure they will never walk again with a shot to the spine. It’s that or more nasty Tweets and I think we all know which is more humane.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Katy Perry Shares a Bikini Picture

By Lex November 18, 2014 @ 11:23 AM

Katy Perry Wears A Bikini For Instagram
Katy Perry really is sassy, adjective adjacent from annoying and super fucking irritating. She has mastered the fine line of being sexy and edgy while dressing like your grandma and guffawing like your gay work friend Nick. It has to be the big chest. Otherwise, it’s inexplicable. Her team of press agents work the magazines like none other, planting stories of Katy’s Hello Kitty happy cheeks character while virtually eviscerating any hint of her extensive baggage and crying into the bidets in the evening. Sassy. You don’t have time for that.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Katy Perry Calls Both Mississippi Upsets

By Lex October 06, 2014 @ 10:19 AM

Katy Perry Has Fun At Mississippi Alabama Game
Katy Perry was a special guest on ESPN College Gameday early Saturday morning and predicted the dual upsets of Mississippi State over Texas A&M and Ole Miss over Alabama. Katy Perry either wildly guessed and was very lucky, or she’s actually more football astute than the entire useless cluster of middle aged football analysts who blather shit that turns out to be as often wrong as right. Once Katy got loaded and started diving into a college town bar crowd in her short skirt, the football knowledge thing was moot. She should host College Gameday. Just no fucking singing.

Photo Credit: Twitter, Vine

Taylor Swift and Katy Perry Hate Each Other Like the Rest of Us

By Lex September 10, 2014 @ 12:11 PM

Katy Perry In Costume Performing In Vancouver
Taylor Swift and Katy Perry are currently decrying one another for not being as gumdrops and sunshine as their public personas. Girls calling each other fake or phony is the Hellish pit bottom in terms of derogatory name calling. It even trumps slut which implies some level of success with the opposite gender. Even bitch sounds like Joan Collins running a fashion empire. There’s no way to spin phony.

Katy has had many talks with and heard stories from John Mayer about Taylor and she’s convinced [Taylor Swift] is a conniving bitch, who is only out to benefit herself. Katy dislikes fake people and she thinks that Taylor is the queen of fake people. Katy can read through all of Taylor’s bullshit. — so says an unnamed source.

So, basically, I fucked your ex-boyfriend while we mocked you. I can see how that could rile up Taylor Swift. I can even picture John Mayer’s wry smile as he’s feeding Katy stories, and, naturally, his cock. For Taylor’s original part, she’s saying the exact same thing about Katy Perry.

She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?

Taylor also accused Katy Perry of stealing her backup dancers, which in the world of elaborate lip-synched stage performances is like accusing somebody of stealing your last tampon. You’re just a monster.

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know anything about girl fights. Unless there’s hair pulling and bitch slapping like on WorldstarHipHop, I don’t see the path by which women come to resolution in their disputes. That’s probably why my grandmother hasn’t spoken to her sister in over sixty years while an Irish guy at a bar can forgive a man who fucked his sister within three punches. Until Katy and Taylor start ripping clothes, I’m done with this dispute.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI