Lady Gaga Is Your American Horror Story

By Lex December 11, 2015 @ 12:43 PM

Lady Gaga Big Bosom Pasties In "American Horror Story"
We live in interesting convoluted moral times. Why is Lady Gaga wearing pasties on my TV set? I want porn. And I want decent Christian programming. Why can I only get the shit in between. Basic cable can show you a morosely pale hobgoblin simulating sex without her clothes on, but you can’t see nipples or utter the word pussy. What trebly foul concoction is this? How will kids know where babies come from? The West is doomed. We can’t even figure out libertine. What do you mean the customer service center wait time is an hour forty? Get this lipsticked wraith off my screen.

Photo Credit: “American Horror Story” FX

Lady Gaga Has a Horrible Secret

By Lex September 11, 2015 @ 10:39 AM

Lady Gaga Open Red Skirt
Lady Gaga showed up on the set of American Horror Story when the last honest person she knew said there was a perfect gig for someone who looked liked her. All those millions and she’s still hustling. You don’t have to have a creepy appearance to fit into the show, it just puts you to the front of the line. If you flash your tits, you’re already being written into a second season. There’s a good chance you’re wondering what’s in those panties and you’re already feeling the horror. If it jumps out at you, you will shit your pants. Genius show. Casting Emmys for everybody.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Lady Gaga Needs To Stop And Shit Around The Web

By Michael July 14, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Lady Gaga was out once again wearing something that would be super fucking hot on an attractive woman. I don’t buy muscle shirts meant for guys who can bench 400 or shoes that fit Dwight Howard. Because people would laugh at my failed aspirations. If I had $200 million in the bank, they would laugh less. That might be Lady Gaga’s secret.

Look at her body if you dare. (Egotastic)

Jimmy Fallon almost lost his finger. Then he wouldn’t be so smug all the time. (TMZ)

Here is Aussie hottie Jody Pachniuk buck naked. (Drunken Stepfather)

Check out Zoe Kravitz’s ass. (Hollywood Tuna)

Taylor Swift shows off her Big Bird legs. (Popoholic)

Samantha Hoopes sexily eats a banana. (Busted Coverage)

In celebration of Comic-Con ending, here are some hot nerds. (The Chive)

Lady Gaga Tits Both Offend and Heal

By Lex June 09, 2015 @ 9:29 AM

Lady Gaga Wears Pasties In England
Britain was aghast after Lady Gaga received Prince Harry following a charity show in London wearing nothing but her see-through stage costume. Also present in the meeting were Elton John and Tony Bennett, both of whom seemed oblivious to Gaga’s tits. Prince Harry took the whole moment in stride as a man does after he’s witnessed the murder of numerous Vegas hookers who just couldn’t keep their mouths shut. Gaga took to Instagram to reflect on the burden of her mortal tasks:

“During all the long car rides, I dream about my former life. Walking freely down the streets. And then, in a moment I am deeply grateful. With all this attention now, what will I say. How will I change the world. What will my music contribute to humanity,”

That’s a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders. Even Jesus caught a nap up on the cross. Don your most fabulous costumes and look to the Southern skies, The Rapture is coming. Ignore the fact that it sounds an awful lot like Madonna in the early 90′s.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Lady Gaga and Yale to Help Teens Emote

By Lex April 10, 2015 @ 9:29 AM

Lady Gaga Gets High
Lady Gaga got wicked fucking high and decided that healthy emotional expression in the high school classroom would be her new grail quest. Gaga is teaming up with Yale University where her music is still played by many in the theater department to survey high school students over their emotional experiences in school and how it can be improved. Once you give up on reading and writing and arithmetic, there’s a shitload of important topics our nation’s schools can be covering. Why is Bethany cutting? How come Sam screams when he pees? How do I feel when the cops arrest my gym teacher?

Gaga will host a professor and politician packed Emotional Revolution Summit in New Haven in October, marking perhaps the least anticipated event ever in human history. On the same day in Beijing, the Chinese are holding a summit on the best use of invisible fence collars to stimulate academic achievement in the engineering sciences. I can’t help but feel we’re being out-coached.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/ WWTDD Archives

Lady Gaga Starts The New Year By Photoshopping Herself a New Body

By Lex January 14, 2015 @ 10:30 AM

Lady Gaga Starts The New Year Workin Out
2014 was the year of Lady Gaga pretending she didn’t give a rat’s ass she was getting chunky. 2015 is the year she takes it all back with Bikram yoga and Photoshop. She posted a photo to Instagram touting her body overhaul. It’s possible floors and mirrors in the background warp themselves. It’s also possible Lady Gaga really is digging deep to impress her automaton army of cutters who last year she told she body shape wasn’t important. You start mixing messages to those lockstep malcontents and you might just start a riot. Thankfully, it’ll be exorcised entirely on Twitter and in the dressing rooms at Hot Topic where nineteen girls will shear off their long hair to spite their bio moms.

Photo Credit: Instagram