By Lex December 04, 2013 @ 1:02 AM
I admire people who embrace their own bad press. Like when the high school girl mislabeled a slut by her jealous classmates decides, what the hell, I’ll just screw the whole football team. Or when Carmelo Anthony gets ribbed for putting up thirty shots in a single game, so the next night he launches thirty-five. Lady Gaga has taken a lot of garbage about her being a secret dude. Which if you knew how hard she worked to keep her man junk tucked behind her clamped legs, you’d realize is pretty damn disrespectful. To embrace the trash talk, Lady Gaga drew a mustache on her face, let her beaver grow out, and put a scorpion on her tit for the tranny culture magazine, Candy. There’s a lot you can take away from this provocative photo. What struck me is how I really need to stop thinking that there’s no possible way Lady Gaga could make herself less attractive.
Photo credit: Steven Klein/Candy magazine
By Jack November 26, 2013 @ 3:02 PM
Penis drawing blogger Perez Hilton escalated his feud with fellow drag queen Lady Gaga on the Wendy Williams show this week. Hilton has been waging a bitchy slap fight with Gaga for over a year. The thing is that no one knows why. They used to be BFF’s, hanging out together and talking about wigs and glitter and why the world needs them now more than ever. Then, all of a sudden, Perez turned on Gaga like a gay pitbull on a cock steak. Williams asked Hilton about his feud and he cryptically said,
“She has a history of, and I don’t want to name names — she globs on to people, uses them and once they’re no longer of use to her will just throw them aside. That is what I’ve observed.”
Now that is just obscure bitchy. How can you talk about history with somebody nobody even in your ass-chaps underground knew about just four years ago. Are you suggesting that world famous entertainers don’t make great friends? Oh, nos Perez. Unsmiley face. Jesus, you’re 35. Despite your wishes upon every falling star, you’re not actually a middle school girl. Now, draw a penis on a picture of Lady Gaga where her penis used to be and put this gripe behind you.
By Lex November 21, 2013 @ 5:24 PM
To be fair to Lady Gaga, that might actually be fecal matter from a livestock or institutionalized human. Figuring out what brown goo Lady Gaga is slathering herself with at any given moment is a fool’s errand. Lady Gaga released a short film promoting her ArtPop album in which she employs a whole slew of artistic elements to entice interest in her music, the only one among them that seems to work is nudity.
This album is a celebration, my pain exploding in electronic music. — Lady Gaga on ArtPop
if you’re not pumped to purchase Gaga’s ArtPop album, then you’ve probably never been molested by your same sex phys-ed teacher while other authority figures ignored your cries for help. I really feel sorry for you.
By Lex November 18, 2013 @ 8:37 AM
Watching Lady Gaga perform over a pre-recorded track on SNL was a valuable lesson in why you should never utter shit aloud like ‘Well, this can’t get any worse.’ Because that’s the Candyman call for R. Kelly to appear and start getting it on with fugly trainable Cousin It. When Gaga pretends to blow R. Kelly and swings her sock puppet face back toward the camera, I fucking said it again. Next think you know, they’re humping on the floor. Then I shut the fuck up because I knew next would be R. Kelly calling Gaga a beautiful woman as he relieved himself on all her tattoos.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, WENN
By Lex November 15, 2013 @ 4:22 PM
Lady Gaga struggled to seem counterculture last night in Times Square while executing a major H&M corporate promotion coordinated with the release of her ArtPop album.
It’s such a coup d’état for us to be in such a corporate environment.
Easy there, Che Guevara with the $200 million net worth and the private jet. I’m not sure Universal Music Group booking a retail co-promotion will go down in the annals of social revolution. Gaga explained how she can still be so anti-establishment while sucking up to major corporate interests by comparing herself to Andy Warhol:
“He took something corporate, Campbell’s soup, and turned it into art.”
By this I think Lady Gaga means she took Beyonce and Britney songs, maybe them a little more lesbian, than added a cup of water and made some tinny tasting soup. Or, she just name dropped Andy Warhol so New York Times reporters wouldn’t challenge her to explain what the fuck that just meant.
Photo Credit: Terry Richardson
By Lex November 14, 2013 @ 3:49 PM
Lady Gaga has balls. I think that’s figurative. Even while winning some big award from Glamour Magazine she was blasting the journal for photoshopping the shit out of her photos to make her look picture perfect.
‘I do not look like this when I wake up in the morning.’
No fucking kidding. That’s why the starlings that chirp you to wake each morning have all gone blind. Lady Gaga kicked her tirade up a few feminist notches by attacking the women’s magazine industry as a whole:
‘It is fair to write about the change in your magazines.’But what I want to see is the change on your covers. . .When the covers change, that’s when culture changes.’
Point well taken. When we flood the doctor’s office waiting rooms with realistic images of unattractive women, only then can other women feel better about themselves. Sort of the way men want NFL wide receivers to drop lots of passes so we can feel better about our own shitty catching skills. Once Lady Gaga appears as-is on the cover of Glamour, then young women can say to themselves, hell, I don’t need to starve myself to lose this gunt or wear tons of makeup to cover up a face resembling a Middle Earth gnome taking a painful dump, I’m beautiful the way God made me, just like Lady Gaga. Oh, fuck, I’m going to die alone.
Photo credit: Getty