Lady Gaga Inks Mother Monster

By Lex November 21, 2014 @ 8:36 AM

Lady Gaga Shows Off New Tattoo Next To Side Boob While Wearing An A Jester Outfit In The UK
Lady Gaga got another ode to her monster fan meme tattooed near her tits so that men would reflexively be forced to see it. The singer only inks the left hemisphere of her frame, saving the right side for self-injuring cigarette burns and future organ donor markups. This whole Mother Monster and Little Monster online relationship could easily have gone off the rails into suicide cultish tangents but the poor physical conditioning and agoraphobia of her fan base has limited the mindless mob to overly aggressive Tweets. Their punishment is five years of their life spent listening to Lady Gaga music that they will never get back. That’s more than enough.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Lady Gaga and Her Dog Are Twinsies, I’d Probably Fuck the Dog

By Lex October 08, 2014 @ 10:21 AM

Lady Gaga Doesn't Wear Any Pants As She Dresses Her Dog Up Like Her
Lady Gaga decided to dress up in matching pants-free outfits with her French bulldog so that late night comedians could think of several dozen jokes they won’t be allowed to put on air. Gaga has been receiving attention for her jazzy duet album with Tony Bennett who will now have to go to his grave knowing he recorded one album too many. According to people who love Lady Gaga, she’s reinvented herself yet another time. According to the rest of the world, they wish the next experiment will fail with some type of concussive explosion.

Photo Credit: INF

Lady Gaga Works Hard to Be Less Attractive

By Lex October 03, 2014 @ 11:40 AM

Lady Gaga Shows Butt While Getting A Little Monsters Tattoo
Lady Gaga connects with her fans by being completely unattractive to the opposite sex. Throwing on some chunk weight and having a monster claw tattooed onto your back can’t hurt. Apparently the claw is in the shape of the Little Monsters fan club hand gesture which mimics a distraught suburban girl turning on the bathtub to drown herself. Gaga called it a dedication to her fans. I’d call it yet another thing you’d have to put out of my mind if you’re her Chicago Fire boyfriend banging her from behind. It’s disheartening to see that being fugly and reworking Madonna songs isn’t enough anymore.

Photo Credit: Instagram

I am Lady Gaga, These Are My Tits

By Lex September 23, 2014 @ 9:12 AM

Lady Gaga Wears Giant Wig And Sheer Dress With No Bra In Brussels
I’m pretty sure Tony Bennett no longer knows precisely where he is. Dude’s nearing ninety and while he can still put out a few sweet notes, he has to be wondering who this topless skank is that keeps showing up to ruin his gigs. Sarah Vaughan always wore undergarments back in the day. I’d like to think after sixty years of success you wouldn’t have to duet with a chick who smells like feta just to nab a paycheck. If only younger Tony Bennett could’ve met older Tony Bennett in one of those planning for your financial future commercials. This picture alone would’ve sent young Tony Bennett to the bank to open up a savings account.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lady Gaga In Seashells And A Thong

By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 9:58 AM

Lady Gaga In Seashells And A Thong Performing In Athens
Trannies are born with the instinct for a powerful entrance. Leaving the spotlight quietly, not so much. Lady Gaga channeled the Birth of Venus mixed with Fire Island glory hole trap when she arrived in Athens to help the Greeks forget about their bankruptcy and government employee riots for a while. The European continent is a time warp for flailing American and British music acts who can translate their downswings into three decade long tribute tours in nations where Members Only jackets are just coming into vogue. Lady Gaga may never leave the stage, but at least the lights are starting to dim.

Photo Credit: INF

Lady Gaga Accepts Her Fat

By Matt September 10, 2014 @ 7:07 AM

Lady Gaga Proud Of Body On Instagram
Lady Gaga posted some swimsuit pics to Instagram that were either normal amounts of unflattering or really fucking unflattering. Gaga received negative comments for a few in particular which sort of just portrayed herself the way she looked before binging on craft services. She took to her defense with an empowering message of self acceptance:

“So what if I got a belly sometimes, sometimes I don’t. There’s people starving in the world. #whocares”

Are you supposed to answer hashtags? Obviously, you care, under the whoever smelt it dealt it rule of reasoning. Also, the starving people of the world probably care that you’re double fisting Yoplaits while they’re feeding their kids tree bark and pretending it’s soy chicken.

Later Gaga couldn’t stop with just one nitwit piece of fat guilt tripping, so she threw in another platitude for dessert:

“#bodyrevolution Proud at any size, because the inside is what really counts, Plus, it’s all how you pose! just ask the supermodels!”

Now I’m just confused. If I were one of the Little Monsters, I wouldn’t know whether to cut my forearm or eat a ham sandwich. The last thing you want is one million unguided teen outcasts. It might be good for the pharmaceutical industry. Not so much for peace and tranquility at the piercing counter. Personally, I could care less if Lady Gaga is getting fat. It just makes it easier to catch up to her and tell her how much I hate her music.

Photo Credit: Instagram