Mary Kate Olsen went clubbing all last night, but was none the worse for it when she left. She's like a gazelle. I’ve never seen such agility.
04.17.2008 MARY KATE HAS STILL GOT IT
Mary-Kate Olsen wore this saucy little number to a party held by the charity New Yorkers for Children, now known as the Making Little Kids Cry Foundation, previously known as the Haunt Their Dreams Coalition (Making Kids Toss and Turn Since 1982).
(picture source = getty images)
01.25.2008 MARY KATE IS PROFOUND, SEXXXY
Somehow Mary Kate Olsen has been entangled in the death of Heath Ledger since the very beginning. The earliest reports said that they were dating or that Mary Kate owned the apartment Heath was found in or that she was the last one to see him alive. None of those turned out to be true, but she was the first one called after he was found and they were seemingly friends, and now - just a short 72 hours later - Mary Kate has issued a statement.
"Heath was a friend. His death is a tragic loss. My thoughts are with his family during this very difficult time.”
Wow. That was touching. I cried twice just reading it. I can see now why it took that silver tongued devil three days, it's important to get the words just right. With any luck the family can sweet talk her into doing his wake. "Heath was nice. That's him over there. Thank you."
11.20.2007 GODSPEED, MARY KATE
People magazine says that Mary Kate Olsen rushed to an emergency room in New York City yesterday and was quickly hospitalized after being diagnosed with a kidney infection. People says:
"Mary Kate got a kidney infection," says rep Nicole Caruso. "She's resting comfortably and will be released in the next day or so."
The actress, who turned 21 in June, recently said she was in good health.
"Mentally, physically, I feel pretty on top of my game right now," she told EW.com in September, as she prepared for her debut in Showtime's Weeds. "Talk to me next week, I don't know. Today, I feel good."
This creepy bitch sure is in the hospital a lot for a 21 year old. Unless you're a cage fighter or Navy SEAL, you should pretty much be the picture of health at 21. In fact, I think you can fly.
08.26.2007 MARY KATE STILL DRESSING WEIRD
Before, I always just figured she looked like a homeless midget. But then it hit me; the maniacal, wide-set eyes, the big droopy mouth, the gay wizard clothes - she's clearly the long-lost daughter of Steven Tyler from Aerosmith.
02.27.2007 HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have topped Forbes magazine's list of Hollywood's Top Earning Stars Under 21. Contact Music says:
The 20-year-old twins earned an estimated $40 million last year from their retail empire to beat Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe to the top of the new rich list. Radcliffe earned an estimated $13 million in 2006 to come in second. Actresses Lindsay Lohan, Dakota Fanning and Amanda Bynes rounded out the top five on the new list.
I started to look up what they meant by "the Olsen's retail empire", but then I got bored and stopped. Much like I did with my karate. I was the greatest champion ever and decided it was time to walk away. But then they kidnapped my daughter to blackmail me into killing the President. They thought they could control me, but my hands are weapons of justice and my karate chops are tools of freedom!
