Beyonces totally-not-fake baby due in weeks

By brendon November 29, 2011 @ 8:53 PM

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Remember back in August, when Beyonce made headlines by announcing she was pregnant, reportedly 3 months pregnant, and many were suspicious because she didn’t look 3 months pregnant? Well it turns out those people were wrong, and she was 5 months pregnant. AOL says…

Beyonce has revealed (she) is expecting to give birth in December 2011, not February 2012 as previously reported.
(In a new video) Beyonce holds up a copy of the New York Daily News. The paper featured a cover story suggesting Beyonce may have been faking her baby bump.
Mocking the caption, she rubs her belly and says, “Hello, it’s Sept. 23. Right now I’m actually shooting the video for ‘Countdown’ and I’m six months pregnant.”

If Beyonce was the type of person who would lie and cheat just to get herself in the news, I would totally say this new early due date was because she got tired of faking her pregnancy. As it turns out she is absolutely that type of person, so yeah, this is totally because that vain bitch is tired of faking her pregnancy.

(image source of beyonce 10 days ago, apparently 8 months pregnant = splash)

Jessica Simpson doesn’t give a f**k anymore

By brendon November 22, 2011 @ 5:18 PM

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When Jessica Simpson posted this picture on twitter a few weeks ago, it seemed like she might try to keep herself together while she’s pregnant, but last night she and her giant-headed fiance Eric Johnson went to a birthday party for her nephew (Ashlee Simpsons son Bronx) and clearly that won’t be the case.

No makeup, a Harley Davidson shirt, sweatpants, and uggs. Out in public.

Years from now Bronx will say the greatest gift he received on his birthday was a terrifying fear of not pulling out.

(image source = inf)

is Katy Perry pregnant?

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 5:31 PM

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Probably not, no. But she looked like she might be in one picture from the MTV Europe Music Awards in Belfast last night, so yes, let’s say she is. If there’s one thing the internet is good at, it’s pictures of tits. But if there’s two things the internet is good at, it’s pictures of tits and baseless accusations.

(image source = wenn and getty)

is Beyonce pregnant or not?

By brendon October 11, 2011 @ 4:59 PM

In August, Beyonce announced that she was pregnant, and almost immediately people started noticing that her “baby bump” seemed to radically change in size from day to day. The rumor quickly began that she actually was not pregnant at all, but that she and Jay Z had hired a surrogate to have their baby and Beyonce was wearing a prosthetic piece to make it look like she was pregnant for attention. Adding new credibility to this awesome rumor is that her “bump” seemed to fold in half then pop back into shape as she sat down to do an interview on Sunday (gif above).

ABC News asked her publicist about this today and was told the rumor was “ridiculous, stupid and false.” But screw that. It’s more fun to think she’s faking it. And she would too because this way she gets nine months of attention for being pregnant, then 6 months of, “oh my god she got back into shape so fast, she’s amazing.” We both know Beyonce would eat that shit up.

Luckily most actors and singers are practically retarded, and she’s both, making her full-on retarded, so now we just have to sit back and wait for her to put the prosthetic on wrong, then explain why her bump in now on her back.

Kate Beckinsale looks pregnant

By brendon May 20, 2011 @ 5:30 PM

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She hasn’t made any sort of announcement yet, but Kate Beckinsale sure as hell looked pregnant during a hike yesterday in LA. But then by the last picture, she didn’t look pregnant anymore. She also seems to have hiked all the way back to the old west, so really there’s not a thing about any of this that makes any sense.

(image source = pacific coast)

Jessica Alba is in a bikini, but still pregnant

By brendon May 12, 2011 @ 9:19 AM

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Everyone agrees that pregnant chicks are creepy looking, if not outright disgusting, but what if that pregnant chick is Jessica Alba, one of the hottest girls ever, and she’s in a bikini? Because Jessica was in a bikini yesterday down in Mexico. What about then?

The surprising answer is that it’s still gross, because even though her tits have doubled in size, which is good, the right one now has these big veins in it, which is bad. It makes you wonder if her husband, who has been watching his gorgeous wife morph into this monster because there’s a parasite inside of her feeding of it’s host and stealing her beauty, only brought her to that filthy shit hole in hopes she got poisoned. So he’s filling empty smartwater bottles from a hose in some filthy neighborhood and giving it to her, and secretly ordering lots of food with raw fish and beef. If so it’s the only admirable thing he’s ever done.

(image source = splash news)