Diddy And Drake Sword Fight

By Matt May 22, 2015 @ 6:59 AM

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Diddy and Drake reportedly made fake amends over their fake beef at Mel’s Diner which serves only real cheese. Their feud drew minor attention because its subjects were a self-aggrandizing businessman and the star of Canadian Saved By The Bell overdubbed in French. Diddy had reportedly punched Drake at a nightclub in Miami a few months back over some rights to some shit ball song people get AIDS to. These reports were highly disputed since it was a publicity stunt and Diddy’s fists are the size of Corn Nuts. The two are now reportedly in talks to collaborate on an as of yet undecided product which you’ll be able to pick up at Ross along with some lint rollers and a Bethenny Frankel autographed rib bone scratcher.

Rap feuds are the oldest trick in the book and it’s all fake. You’ll notice most of the time the two guys are on the same record label. It works. Of course Diddy did have Tupac murdered but he was literally asking for it and that was a long time ago when artists cared about their work. Nothing’s real anymore. How’s my ass taste?

Photo Credit: Instagram 

P Diddy Doing It Right

By Matt May 13, 2015 @ 8:08 AM

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Sean Combs has six children with three different women yet has never married, solidifying his status as a role model for deadbeat dads who don’t understand he’s paying for private school and there’s more to life than the Elephant Bar. Combs newest girlfriend is a model he met while casting his latest fragrance ad which worked out well because he didn’t have to leave the building. Just print your test results on the back of your head shot and make sure they’re two weeks current. Combs explains that he’s not yet ready for the commitment of marriage unlike having six children which requires cancelling a few orgies when the water breaks:

“I don’t want to be going to courts and having somebody be like interfere in my relationships… I will give a contract. I will commit to a contract. A love contract.”

That’s when you get slapped in the face if your body guards aren’t within earshot. Included in Combs’ Love Contract is a non-disclosure agreement and a DNA testing kit. You’re going to need it. Turns out the both of you will fuck anything with a foreign accent. There’s plenty of young chicks and straight dudes out there. Keep a copy in your clutch and a tablet under your tongue. Just say it’s yours.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Puff Daddy Knows Tits Sell Bullshit (VIDEO)

By Matt May 05, 2015 @ 8:08 AM

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Sean “Diddy” Combs made a commercial for his new cologne featuring his real life girlfriend’s exposed pierced tits and him hate fucking her in a chokehold. I’ve always found him annoying yet this is his best work to date. Considering it’s an ad for a fifty dollar bottle of worcetershire sauce that’s more of an indictment than a compliment. How much does Sting hate you and can you give his kids a PA job? The fragrance is called “3 am” which is roughly how late you’ll be up on Tinder before ordering some bad Chinese and falling asleep in a pool of your own saddened semen while marinating yourself in bad decisions. It’s called the NASDAQ look it up. Dudes who use cologne are hilarious tools. Your chick will pay you to throw it away. Pluck those eyebrows.

Diddy Punches Drake, Nobody Dies, There Is No Santa

By Lex December 09, 2014 @ 11:56 AM

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Rap music was always good for some murders between disrespecting douchebags with bad chin hair and questionable upbringings. Now the best you get is a Twitter feud, maybe a bottle tossing incident at a club with underaged Kardashians if you’re lucky. Sean Combs punched Drake outside a nightclub in Miami apparently because the two had a dispute over the interpretation of some found art projects highlighted at Art Basel earlier in the day. Also Drake still holds a grudge against Diddy for casting shade on his haftarah portion at his Canadian bar mitvah. Diddy apparently yelled out ‘you will never disrespect me’ then punched Drake in the sideburns. The fight was quickly broken up as both entourages simultaneously regretted not going to vocational college and learning a marketable trade. Unfortunately, Rappers have far too much to lose these days to bother shooting each other. Prison is not so bad when your straight out of Compton, less great when you’ve spent the last decade receiving spa treatments in Palm Beach and having girls with warm vaginas begging you to make illegitimate babies. There’s always the chance somebody will stroke out fro stress during one of these pugilistic pose offs. I’ll pray for that.

‘American Idol’ wants Diddy to be a judge

By brendon August 09, 2012 @ 11:33 AM

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‘American Idol’ producers have reportedly asked Sean Combs to be a judge next season, in essence replacing Steven Tyler and joining Mariah Carey who replaced Henifaa Yopez. So if you’re on ‘Idol’ next year, just don’t do anything when the music starts and then say “yeah that’s right’ at the end. Diddy will think you’re a genius.

(source = new york post)

Diddy yells at Cameron Diaz, and she likes it

By brendon January 18, 2012 @ 3:44 PM

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The New York Daily News says that Sean Combs was yelling at Cameron Diaz (they’re reportedly dating these days) and ordering her around when they were at the Weinstein Company Golden Globes party Saturday night, but before you decide how you feel about that, keep in mind that Cameron Diaz went to that party looking like this. I’m actually surprised he didn’t punch her.

One partygoer was startled by Diddy’s “controlling” treatment of Diaz.
(After arriving separately) Diddy found Diaz sitting on a couch “talking to a guy.”
“Let’s go,” Diddy told her.
Diaz quickly got up and followed him out a back exit, away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi (but) ran into three male party guests who wanted their pictures taken with Diaz.
She happily obliged until an impatient Diddy grabbed her hand, said “Let’s go” again, and pulled her to a waiting car.
“I’ve never seen him so controlling,” says the source, who says Diaz “seemed to like the manly power thing.”

Cameron Diaz should have enough self respect to not date a guy who treats her this way, but Cameron Diaz sucks so I’m glad she doesn’t. In fact after reading this I hope they get married.