Taylor Swift Shall Overcome

By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 9:05 AM

Taylor Swift Performs In Wonderbra At Victoria Secrect Fashion Show In London
It’s easy to denigrate Taylor Swift. It’s far harder to look deep into the soul of a young woman and see a maturing artist struggling to define her persona. I think. I was mostly looking at her tits. And wondering if she’s getting it on with that tall anorexic model chick she bunks with after workouts most evenings. Taylor obviously took the criticism from last year that she didn’t belong on a lingerie show runway by wearing some intimate apparel Angie Dickinson once donned in seventeen different movies in the 1960′s. She’s got a better body than most women, yet there remains something childish about her that keeps the pastor dad from 7th Heaven asking her if she wants a cookie and to help him make his magic wand grow. Next year I’d go with some crotchless panties and a Slayer concert tee. It’ll seem more natural.

Photo Credit: INF/Getty/AKM-GSI

Taylor Swift Pulls Power Move

By Matt December 03, 2014 @ 6:49 AM

Hart

Taylor Swift has reportedly blacklisted Victoria’s Secret model Jessica Hart from their annual Parade of hot chicks prancing around in stupid shit. This comes after Hart made some disparaging comments about her, according to an anonymous Insider who could easily be a bored coked up janitor who works for the venue:

“No one can know that Taylor requested Ms. Hart not be in the show; they want to keep that under wraps but that’s the facts.”

Swift lip synched a few numbers at last year’s display, and following her performance Hart was asked if she thought Swift had the talent to make it as a Victoria’s Secret girl:

“No… I think, you know what, god bless her heart. I think she’s great. But, I don’t know, to me, she didn’t fit.”

That might seem tame but represents the first complete sentence Hart has ever spoken. For Swift it must be rough. You’re used to being the hot chick all the gay guys fawn over and one night a year you’re the ugliest and most talented person in the room. Being hot and mostly useless outside of your renowned walking ability is a much better way of life. Hart underestimated Swift’s dark side. They always hate you because you’re beautiful.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Taylor Swift Wins All 27 American Music Awards

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 8:56 AM

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I had to drink a lot to put down that show. I’m just glad Dick Clark is dead so he didn’t have to see the abomination his American Music Awards have remained. It’s a collection of the most popular music artists pretending they didn’t know they were going to be handed acrylic obelisks of Ra as part of the deal their agents negotiated for their show appearance. Fuck me, did I win? You are the greatest fans in the world. That was the show. There had been speculation over whether or not Jennifer Lopez and that albino rapper from Australia would show too much ass on stage but ABC covered it up with red striped spots that made it about as dirty as trying to watch free Skinemax back in the day through wavy lines.

Jennifer-Lopez-and-Iggy-Azalea-at-the-AMA-Awards

If I were scoring this award show on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give it a good kick in the cunt and subtract eleven. That’s three hours of my life I can’t get back. Sorry, kids I read to in the homeless shelter.

Taylor Swift’s Lack Of Booty And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 13, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Katy Perry’s current fuck buddy Diplo says he is going to start a Kickstarter campaign to buy Taylor Swift a booty. He has a point. I’ve seen bigger rears on toddlers. He’s also a short-sighted ass. You don’t mock a woman’s behind until you’re absolutely certain you have no chance at it.

Won’t you spare a dime for Taylor’s ass? (The Superficial)

Miley Cyrus might be giving Patrick Schwarzenegger the clap. (TMZ)

Julianne Hough in a crop top? Don’t mind if I do. (Drunken Stepfather)

Daniela Lopez Osorio in lingerie is what I live for. (Hollywood Tuna)

Is it just me or is Kristen Stewart starting to look like Snarf from Thundercats? (Popoholic)

Richard Simmons is depressed an missing. Who will I sweat to the oldies with now? (Dlisted)

Sports Illustrated released pics of Kate Upton in her early days. (COED)

Taylor Swift Gets Ambassador Nod

By Lex October 29, 2014 @ 9:50 AM

Taylor Swift Shows Off Legs In Mini Dress While Heading To The Letterman Show
Taylor Swift was declared the new Global Welcome Ambassador to New York City. It used to be pre-op Thai hookers in Times Square until Giuliani cleaned up that perfectly nice rat hole. Taylor has zero New York roots and just moved into her $20 million Tribeca condo last summer, but the tourism board knows a winning formula when they see it. Vacationers around the world love Taylor Swift. Swift dines and shits and throws pajama parties in your city, why not make her the face of Welcome to the Big Apple. With Ebola fears and failing schools and the ever-present threat of more Spike Lee movies, New York needs a reassuring happy shining beacon of hope. Taylor Swift, rise and take your place among the titans.

I thought Donald Trump would be pissed, but mostly it’s just Dee Snider who Taylor Swift could buy, stuff, and mount on her rumpus room wall if she was feeling cheeky.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Taylor Swift Shakes It All Off

By Lex October 24, 2014 @ 10:06 AM

Taylor Swift Wears Bra And Leggings While Performing On Jimmy Kimmel Live
People got kind of pissed last night when Hollywood Boulevard got shut down for a Taylor Swift outdoor pop performance for Jimmy Kimmel. Even the ex-con costumed characters agreed to stop fighting over turf and come together in their hatred toward Taylor Swift for crapping out their unlicensed panhandling for an evening. In your face pedo-Chewbacca, according to Taylor Swift, her music and her muse is currently all about telling the haters that they can’t touch her or the camel toe she was flashing:

“You know what? If you’re upset and irritated that I’m just being myself, I’m going to be myself more, and I’m having more fun than you so it doesn’t matter.”

I’m pretty sure she borrowed eloquence from Dr. King on that one. Taylor’s ‘I don’t care’ attitude is an evolution from her ‘why is everybody picking on me’ doctrine of previous years. It signals she’s made the leap from grammar school to middle school thinking which should please her developmental therapist. As for me, I just like when the music stops and the bad people and their traffic go away.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/PacificCoastNews/AKM-GSI