By Lex December 02, 2013 @ 4:19 PM
The Kardashians take their annual Christmas card rather seriously. This isn’t just Bo and Sissy and the kids in color coordinated jumpers on the beach with the beagle. This is a pointed portrait of self-expression and worth. Hence, the family figures out a way to look like pompous shitbuckets every Yuletide. This year, they upped their game by hiring legit photographer David LaChapelle to create a Hollywood whorescape for the girls only, and Bruce, the submissive tranny locked the Habitrail to the far right. It’s not so much that the guys didn’t want to be in the picture as it was they couldn’t take away ten hours from banging women who don’t give them the heebie jeebies to be a part of this laborious process. The Christmas photo itself will be mailed out to Kris’ industry list and also superimposed with price tags below each girl to be used a menu ordering system for oil rich sultans in the U.A.E.
Photo Credit: David LaChapelle/eonline.com
By Travis December 02, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
On last night’s episode of Kashing In With the Kardashians, Kris Jenner and her living, breathing ATMs showed off their brand new Christmas card, which shockingly reveals that this family loves taking all of your money. I’m told that the image above is not actually the Kardashian Christmas card and it is, in fact, an orangutan drinking its own urine, and that E! has what it claims is the card in question, as photographed by David LaChappelle. But I think this one is way better, with a better possible alternative being Kendall Jenner’s nipples.
Photo Credits: E!
By Lex November 11, 2013 @ 2:20 PM
You can’t spell community without the word Kardashian. That plucky group of selfless caregivers packed up a whole bunch of their crap they couldn’t sell via their fake eBay charity and took it to Woodland Hills for a yard sale for the E! TV cameras. Customers largely consisted of the legally blind and school librarians inquiring about worn Jenner girl panties. The latter were shooed away into a Range Rover where Kris Jenner confidentially upsold them on more expensive packages involving travel out to international waters.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex September 18, 2013 @ 3:18 PM
What with Khloe being sad, the Jenner girls not yet knocked up, Kris Jenner losing her TV show, the Kardashians decided to turn ill-fate on its head and go ahead and film a Christmas Special in the middle of September. They didn’t have to, but being that they have a reality show, they are bound to fake the shit out of everything imaginable. Still, the Yuletide spirit runs deep in that family. Kim Kardashian tweeted photos from the decked out home set showing how well her KFC popcorn chicken and bulimia diet is coming along. Khloe’s strength to appear on the Christmas special was rewarded when the entire family gathered together to buy Khloe a publicist to smear the shit out of Lamar in the media. They also handed her a black baby Jesus doll and told her it was a real child and it was hers and they all promised not to tell her the truth until Easter. Fah who foraze!
By Travis June 07, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Long before reality TV shows became the perfect way for people with absolutely no talent to pretend like they were celebrities, networks handed out talk shows to keep semi-relevant people like Magic Johnson and Chevy Chase in the spotlight. Meanwhile, people with actual talent, like Oprah and Ellen, realized daytime talk shows could easily entertain the stay-at-home idiots and make them a ton of money. So it makes perfect sense that someone as talentless and greedy as Kris Jenner would think that she could host a daytime TV show as well.
Debuting on July 15, the Kris Jenner Show has a new promo out, and it’s pretty obvious that this show is just going to be another hour of the Kardashians pimping whatever horrible project they’re working on next. Eventually, Kris won’t even be able to get Kim Kardashian on the show and each episode will feature her screaming at Kylie and Kendall to look sexier.
By Travis May 28, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Kiara Mia (above left) is the star of such porn classics as Shrimp Fried Pussy, Couples Bang the Babysitter 8, Bra Busters 4, Mama’s Got Big Boobies, Tit-illation, Oil Overload 8 and, of course, A Love Story. But at age 36, Kiara is looking to expand her repertoire from adult film actress with enormous tits to adult film director with enormous tits, and she’ll make her debut behind the camera in a porn parody of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, according to TMZ.
How exactly do you make a porn parody of a family that is only famous because of a really crappy amateur porn film? I’m sure it’s not difficult. After all, the adult film industry is making porn parodies of absolutely everything these days. In fact, there will probably be a porn parody of this porn parody before it is even finished.
Or maybe life is one giant porn parody and we’re all just extras. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so thought-provoking this morning.
(Photo Credits: Kiara Mia’s Facebook)