LINDSAY SERVED 84 MINUTES IN JAIL

Lindsay Lohan surrendered to authorities today to serve her time for 2 DUIs, 2 counts of possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility, driving on a suspended license, drinking underage and fleeing the scene of an accident.  She turned herself in at 10:30am.  She was released at 11:54am.  She served a total of 84 minutes in jail.  People.com says:

"Ms. Lohan was cooperative," sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore tells PEOPLE. "She was fingerprinted, photographed, and put in a holding cell, but was let go due to our early release policy."Whitmore also confirmed that Lohan was strip searched as part of routine jail procedure.

84 minutes.  For 2 DUIs and possession of cocaine.  Oh and she still has her license.  But I guess the sheriffs department is getting tougher, because 84 is two minutes longer than Nicole Richie got for her second DUI.  God I hate this fucking town.  I might just move to some farm in western Pennsylvania where they live like it's the 18th century.  I'll ride horses and hunt turkeys with a musket, and wear a big shiny hat with those big buckles on it.  I'll need to learn how to masturbate with butter or goose fat or something, but at least I won't have to live in a world where dumb spoiled whores are above the law and the highways are basically a killing chamber for the rich and famous.