Megan Fox: “I’m bisexual.”

This would have been up sooner but after reading the headline my erection punched the bottom of the desk at about 900 miles per hour, and it turns out that when your penis violently crashes into 500 pounds of wood, it aches quite a bit. The Sun UK says…

She told Esquire: “I think people are born bisexual and they make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society. I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite. I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.”

Between interviews like this and Megan walking around all day Friday licking her lips, it’s hard to even imagine new ways for her to get any more perfect. Unless gold coins fall out of her when she comes, there’s really no where else to go.