monday morning headlines

AVATAR – has already made 1 billion dollars, only the 5th movie to ever do so, and it’s only been in theaters for three weeks. Wait, no, three months.  Weeks.  I don’t know, one of those two.  What am I, on trial here?  Leave me alone!  (los angeles times)

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY – His girlfriend gave birth to a girl yesterday, their second child in just 18 months. What a slut. Hopefully her new years resolution was to keep her pants on for 10 minutes.  (us magazine)

OLIVIA MUNN – Despite telling Maxim last month that she was single, Olivia was out this weekend with her on again/off again boyfriend, ‘Star Trek’ star Chris Pine. More like Chris FINE, am I right?! Wait. No. No it is Pine. With a P. My mistake. (people)

MELISSA SATTA – is an Italian actress and model, and I don’t know much about her, but I do know that she was in Miami this weekend and that her ass is fantastic.  It’s so firm looking, I feel like if I tried to hump it and missed my penis would crumple up like an empty beer can.