Paris Hilton might actually be in trouble

These stories never turn out the way I want them to (with a hanging, and crows), but Paris Hilton could be in real trouble after Las Vegas police found almost a gram of cocaine in her purse this weekend.

Hilton is claiming it wasn’t her purse and she didn’t know the coke was there, but as a legal analyst for CBS news points out, that’s fuking retarded.

“…In the purse that she was carrying, was her prescription medication she concedes, $1,300 which belonged to her. Other items in the purse like lip balm that belonged to her. So it doesn’t really make a lot of sense that the only thing in the purse apparently that didn’t belong to her was this small bindle of cocaine that she didn’t know was there or she thought was gum. That’s not a plausible story.”

And if Paris is convicted…

“It’s a minimum of probation (but) she has a prior history here in California from 2007 of both a DUI and two probation violations. I think under those circumstances the officials would send her to jail, probably just for a short time, though.”

In LA of course she could do coke while blowing up a federal building, but this is Vegas, and it’s DA David Roger, the guy who put OJ Simpson in jail for 33 years. And he’s not dickin around. Radar says…

“Roger won’t tolerate celebrities coming to Las Vegas and thinking they can get away with illegal behavior,” said a source. “It’s going to be extremely difficult for Paris to get out of these charges.”
Roger is running for reelection and has a record of high-profile victories in the legal arena.
“This is a high profile case, right before a very important election, and it’s very likely that there will be no plea bargaining down of these charges.”

Who would have guessed that Vegas was so hardcore about a little coke. I guess I need to be careful. Because I’m always partyin. I’m always in the clubs, ya’ know, partyin all night! With my hot girlfriend. Who is a model. She goes to a different website though, so you guys wouldn’t have seen her around.