By Lex December 09, 2013 @ 3:35 PM
Paris Hilton once imagined her drug dealer was Paul Walker while she threw him a short-on-cash bone, so don’t tell her she’s not feeling as crushed as Tyrese Gibson or Paul Walker’s kid or NBC/Universal this week. When an airplane banner flew over the Paul Walker memorial tribute in Santa Clarita over the weekend, the entire crowd stopped to remind themselves how they need to bake some pies and head over to Paris’ house. Paris would naturally order her guards to beat the well-wishers into the pavement, but everybody would know deep down she was thankful for the gesture. Hang in there, Paris. Don’t do anything stupid. Like hiring a plane to fly your name over Paul Walker’s memorial.
Photo credit: Splash News
By Jack December 06, 2013 @ 4:42 PM
Hotel heiress and race relations scholar Paris Hilton caught a whole lot of shit yesterday for a tweet wherein she mistook Nelson Mandela for Martin Luther King. After the South African civil rights leader passed away yesterday, celebs took to twitter to offer condolence and fawn over Mandela after their publicists reminded them who Mandela was. Paris was on a plane at the time and it looks like the tweet was a fake. The Tweet was posted under her name by an account called @deletedtweets:
“RIP Nelson Mandela. Your ‘I Have A Dream’ speech was so inspiring. Amazing man.”
It’s pretty silly to imagine that somebody who fucked their teachers all the way up to a high school degree wouldn’t know the difference between the two civil rights leaders. In the very least, she knows MLK’s birthday as that’s the day every year when she reminds her fans how gross black dudes are.
By Lex December 03, 2013 @ 4:15 PM
If you’ve got nothing planned for this week’s paycheck, why not get yourself a Paris Hilton handbag. It’s perfect for the shingles-ridden socialite on the go. Fur lined pouches for keeping your Valaciclovir warm and secret compartments for stashing your cocaine guaranteed to get you past most European customs officials provided you fly private jet. It also has the word Rouge written on it both forward and backwards, which is some pretty advanced graphics that not just any preteen Indonesian factory girl can sew. Ask yourself this: what have I done lately to make Paris Hilton money? Exactly. Get on this shit.
Photo Credit: Paris Hilton/Instagram
By Travis November 25, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
Paris Hilton became famous because her family is worth a ton of money and that gave her the freedom to do whatever the fuck she wants for the rest of her life, while millions of American girls adored her slutty and idiotic antics. For reasons unknown, Paris is still pretty famous and people now pay her money to pretend that she’s a professional DJ, while she also pretends that she’s a fashion icon and world famous business entrepreneur. Of course, to most of us, she’ll always be that girl who sucked a guy’s dick in night vision, and grown up, professional businesswoman Paris wants to make sure she’s the only one still making cash off her porn.
According to TMZ, Paris is now suing the people behind the Slovenian website, ParisHiltonPornVideos.com, because it hosts clips of her porn video, 1 Night in Paris. While it might seem like Paris is being a greedy hypocrite, you could also make a case that she’s trying to finally make life a little better in Slovenia.
Photo Credit: WENN.com
By Travis October 28, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Not only is Paris Hilton a brilliant, successful entrepreneur and businesswoman, and not only is she adored throughout the fashion world as a beautiful model and a symbol of class and elegance, and not only is she an incredibly talented music artist and DJ, but she’s also super hilarious, you guys. Paris showed up to Hugh Hefner’s Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion last night dressed as Miley Cyrus from the first half of her “history-making” performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, but she didn’t appear to have a Robin Thicke with her. “That’s okay,” Paris probably responded. “I’ll just grind my ass on every guy here until I find one or six.”
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Travis October 24, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Paris Hilton and her sister, the other one, met up for a little shopping in Hollywood yesterday, and I don’t like to throw around accusations at such well-respected celebrities, but I think she might have known the photographers were going to be there. Obviously, I just sound like some asshole crackpot conspiracy theorist right now, but the way she handled herself and posed almost seems like she’s done this before. But if she really wants to prove idiots like me wrong, she should randomly decide to hang out on some train tracks or underneath a giant piano that’s being held up by a small rope over the sidewalk, and then we can see how she spontaneously reacts to photographers.
Photo Credits: revolutionpix/WENN.com