Paris Hilton DJs Polish Fashion Week

By Lex August 31, 2015 @ 12:26 PM

Paris Hilton DJs Polish Fashion Week
Paris Hilton flew into Poland where she’s the big name get for Poland Fashion Week. The previous big get at Poland Fashion Week was a billy goat that looked strikingly like Lech Walesa. Hilton DJed the big pre-show party, pressing the PLAY button and holding her hands up to her headphones to hear her Galaxy text to speech read all the dirty emails from her Polish suitors. Hilton just dropped her 18th signature fragrance onto the market certifying her commercial stink as the most purchased celebrity scent in the history of all things bought by people with image problems. She can’t lose for winning. Money can’t buy you a tracking retina, but it can pay for a pretty sweet mixing board with lots of controls that guy at Radio Shack told you never to touch. Every time you hate Paris Hilton, she makes another dollar. Still cheaper than loving her. Either way, you get herpes. Save your money.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Paris Hilton Dubious Claim

By Matt August 06, 2015 @ 6:30 AM

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Paris Hilton claims she’s never had any plastic surgery even though her ass looks like a walnut and her tits are voluptuous in contrast to the rest of her little boy at the beach milk carton body. Losers who have lost grasp of their life have often speculated about Hilton receiving implants in between cutting themselves and binging on Arby’s:

“I have nothing against it, all my friends have done everything, boobs, nose, chin, cheeks. I live in Hollywood, so I’m used to seeing it. It’s just that I’ve never wanted to do it.”

You would have just outed your friends if you had any. Also is this photo from Halloween because your face looks like RuPaul’s. That can’t be natural. I’m not buying the tit claim because they don’t grow on trees. The only thing worse than being a vain whore is being a liar. Actually it’s all pretty bad. They look good. On someone else.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Nicky Hilton Flashes Panties on Her Wedding Day

By Lex July 14, 2015 @ 1:22 PM

Nicky Hilton Panty Peek On Wedding Day
Nicky Hilton flashed her panties on her wedding day because beneath a $100,000 dress at a million dollar wedding still beats the heart of a Hilton. She may be boring and dull and occasionally tested with a glass slide beneath her nostrils for signs of life, but only a Rothschild gets to see the hooch. Consider this one of those stores where they don’t have price tags and if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. Those may just be urban legend. But really, you can’t afford Nicky Hilton. On the other hand, her sister will appear like Beelzebub’s snatch magnet if you’re having an epic night at the Treasure Island pai gow tables. Say Candyman three times into the ashtray of the old Chinese guy next to you. Just make sure everybody understands by candy you mean cocaine.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Paris Hilton Is Still Alive And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 10, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Paris Hilton just wants to be your friend. No, not you, loser. She doesn’t like you. Or your black buddy. She will smile for a dollar, but she won’t mean it. Friends forever.

Here she is, trying to convince people she’s still relevant. (TMZ)

Alexis Ren does the whole bikini thing in Mykonos. (Egotastic)

Hanna Davis shows off her tits for SI Swim Daily. (Drunken Stepfather)

This is Gabriela Iliescu and these are her titties. (Hollywood Tuna)

Selena Gomez can lick my donut any day. (Popoholic)

I do enjoy females of the Asian persuasion. (The Chive)

Emily Ratjkowski in a red swimsuit makes my peepee happy. (The Superficial)

Paris Hilton Working the Holidays

By Lex July 07, 2015 @ 8:26 AM

Paris Hilton Bikini Top For 4th of July In Las Vegas
Nobody is more American than Paris Hilton. She is the invisible hand that tugs the cock of capitalism. No matter where Paris is at any given time or what she is doing, she is getting paid. She doesn’t need to work. Her sister doesn’t. She wants to work. For about an hour last week the world was flummoxed as to whether or not Paris Hilton was in on her Dubai Air Crash prank show. Then everybody remembered she landed safely and grimaced simultaneously. That’s one million bones. Paris’ herpes sores swell into likenesses of the local currency symbols no matter where she is in the world. This is the game. Paris is winning.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Paris Hilton Fakes It And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 02, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Lazy-eyed heiress Paris Hilton may have been in on that plane crash practical joke from earlier in the week. At least that’s what people are saying. I don’t buy it. That DJ is not good enough of an actress. She used to get upstaged by her dog.

Could someone as honest as Paris lie? (Huffington Post)

Stella Maxwell’s tits are delightful. That Miley is one lucky bitch. (Egotastic)

Matt Damon’s ponytail is the worst thing to happen to the world since 9/11. (TMZ)

Berit Birkeland, River Lana, and Yasmina Jones want you to see their pretty pink nips. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jennifer Nicole Lee’s tits get patriotic with American flag bikini. (Hollywood Tuna)

Eva Longoria knows how to fill out a bikini. (Popoholic)

Bras are for losers. (The Chive)