Emma Roberts and Bella Thorne Tits at People’s Choice Awards After Party

By Lex January 07, 2016 @ 10:38 AM

Paris Hilton At The People's Choice Awards
The People’s Choice Awards is a real thing invented by the networks so that their crappy shows and celebrities could win awards before the Golden Globes and Oscars cut back to people who at least spend some effort trying to be imaginative. The highlight of the evening was when Leslie Mann got her hand stuck on Dakota Fanning’s dress and almost ripped her gown in the back while congratulating her on winning the award for Best Dramatic Actress for Fifty Shades of Grey which informs you about the voting demographic for the People’s Choice. You and I are not People in this particular model.

There is no single industry like Hollywood that lauds itself so sentimentally, self-seriously, and with extreme regularity. The plumbers and pipefitters don’t toast themselves seventeen times a year at black tie affairs dedicated to the struggle of their craft. Yet, if forced to choose, you’d probably opt for a working toilet over another episode of the hunks on Chicago Fire. The after party had tons of tits. Consider us even.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Paris Hilton Tied Up

By Lex December 02, 2015 @ 7:33 AM

Paris Hilton All Tied Up
While her mute sister has chosen a life of Xanax tablets and forced smiles during rich guy on top sex, Paris has kept herself a career woman. Owned by none, rented by many. A world class DJ one evening, a fragrance magnate the next. The fact that that’s real and not just a twinkly fancy residing in the lobes of her grey matter says something about this world. It’s not pretty. Your ass looks nice when you can’t stop me from peeing on it. Now we’re both outlaws.

Photo Credit: Paper Magazine

Paris Hilton Jubilee in Chile

By Lex November 23, 2015 @ 1:21 PM

Paris Hilton DJs In Chile
Paris Hilton is in Chile to DJ and promote her latest branded fragrance. Also she’s been paid by loyalists to fuck a judge to bury some war crimes. There’s no corner of the earth that won’t pay this chick to slap on extensions and pose like a lazy-eye mannequin in the quarter-twist position. Punch up the play list and hope your arms don’t snap when you’re waving them in the air. In South America herpes is a party drug. You’re positively glowing.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Paris Hilton DJs Polish Fashion Week

By Lex August 31, 2015 @ 12:26 PM

Paris Hilton DJs Polish Fashion Week
Paris Hilton flew into Poland where she’s the big name get for Poland Fashion Week. The previous big get at Poland Fashion Week was a billy goat that looked strikingly like Lech Walesa. Hilton DJed the big pre-show party, pressing the PLAY button and holding her hands up to her headphones to hear her Galaxy text to speech read all the dirty emails from her Polish suitors. Hilton just dropped her 18th signature fragrance onto the market certifying her commercial stink as the most purchased celebrity scent in the history of all things bought by people with image problems. She can’t lose for winning. Money can’t buy you a tracking retina, but it can pay for a pretty sweet mixing board with lots of controls that guy at Radio Shack told you never to touch. Every time you hate Paris Hilton, she makes another dollar. Still cheaper than loving her. Either way, you get herpes. Save your money.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Paris Hilton Dubious Claim

By Matt August 06, 2015 @ 6:30 AM


Paris Hilton claims she’s never had any plastic surgery even though her ass looks like a walnut and her tits are voluptuous in contrast to the rest of her little boy at the beach milk carton body. Losers who have lost grasp of their life have often speculated about Hilton receiving implants in between cutting themselves and binging on Arby’s:

“I have nothing against it, all my friends have done everything, boobs, nose, chin, cheeks. I live in Hollywood, so I’m used to seeing it. It’s just that I’ve never wanted to do it.”

You would have just outed your friends if you had any. Also is this photo from Halloween because your face looks like RuPaul’s. That can’t be natural. I’m not buying the tit claim because they don’t grow on trees. The only thing worse than being a vain whore is being a liar. Actually it’s all pretty bad. They look good. On someone else.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Nicky Hilton Flashes Panties on Her Wedding Day

By Lex July 14, 2015 @ 1:22 PM

Nicky Hilton Panty Peek On Wedding Day
Nicky Hilton flashed her panties on her wedding day because beneath a $100,000 dress at a million dollar wedding still beats the heart of a Hilton. She may be boring and dull and occasionally tested with a glass slide beneath her nostrils for signs of life, but only a Rothschild gets to see the hooch. Consider this one of those stores where they don’t have price tags and if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. Those may just be urban legend. But really, you can’t afford Nicky Hilton. On the other hand, her sister will appear like Beelzebub’s snatch magnet if you’re having an epic night at the Treasure Island pai gow tables. Say Candyman three times into the ashtray of the old Chinese guy next to you. Just make sure everybody understands by candy you mean cocaine.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet