Lindsay is weaving another rich tapestry of lies

By brendon June 11, 2012 @ 10:14 AM

lindsay_lohan_as_elizabeth_taylor

Driving into the back of an 18-wheeler and totaling her rented Porsche on Friday instantly sent Lindsay Lohan back to her default setting, which is to immediately lie to everyone about everything.

The first thing she did after the wreck was text the set of her Elizabeth Taylor movie saying she wasn’t the one driving. She said her assistant, Gavin Doyle, was. And that’s because she’s not supposed to be driving.

The movie has sent a Cadillac Escalade to bring her to work every day, which was lucky because it followed her on Friday and quickly got her away from the scene. But not before someone tried to bribe the driver of the 18-wheeler, of course.

Lindsay, naturally, says that’s a lie. She says she has no reason to bribe him because he’s the one who caused the wreck. And if you don’t believe that, then what about her brakes? Would you believe they failed? Well you better because she’s also blaming them.

There’s no word yet on if she’ll be ticketed for this or had to take a drug test at the hospital, but there might be something to that because she’s still on probation until May 24, 2014.

Until then she shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near anything like a Porsche. If she drives at all it should be something that’s had the airbag replaced with a razor sharp spike. Let’s see how fast and reckless this cunt drives then.

wwtdd

(18) Comments

  1. avatar
    Mr. Poop 06/11/2012 12:32

    I wonder what her clam smells like

  2. avatar
    2 fingers 1 Thumb 06/11/2012 12:46

    That clam would fail a whiff test.

  3. avatar
    Rok 06/11/2012 12:47

    Sam Ronson’s jizz and wet pennies would be my guess

  4. avatar
    Bonnie 06/11/2012 13:00

    ew, this tired used-up drug addled, brain damaged pathological lying whore, go away…

    I’m still laughing at Rok’s epic comment on the Mandonna story….hehehehe

  5. avatar
    2 fingers 1 Thumb 06/11/2012 13:10

    I knew a girl named Bonnie once. It was my friends mom. She liked to watch me pee.

  6. avatar
    Rok 06/11/2012 13:11

    Bonnie,

    No worries. They’ve dropped back down now. I cleansed my palate with a short video of Kate Upton doing the Dougie. That always does it.

    Welcome back

  7. avatar
    Mr. Poop 06/11/2012 13:12

    2 Fingers,

    Did she ever offer to hold it for you?

    Some chicks like to write their name

  8. avatar
    2 fingers 1 Thumb 06/11/2012 13:16

    I was 8 yrs old. She just liked to watch. I do recall that she really loved bananas and popsicles.

  9. avatar
    Mr. Poop 06/11/2012 13:31

    Are you implying that your friend’s mom didn’t want to hold your dick for you when you were 8?

    I think you are selling yourself short.

  10. avatar
    2 fingers 1 Thumb 06/11/2012 13:44

    I was scared. I had only been touched while peeing by my uncle at that point.

  11. avatar
    Honkey Dong 06/11/2012 13:44

    I heard that Lindsay had the Porche’s stick-shifter up her snatch. Not from the crash, though. That’s just the way she drives.

  12. avatar
    Mr. Poop 06/11/2012 13:53

    Lucky!

    My uncle would only touch my balls.

  13. avatar
    2 fingers 1 Thumb 06/11/2012 13:58

    I only had one testicle at that point. You must have been an early bloomer.

  14. avatar
    Finkle Who 06/11/2012 14:03

    Was it a Boxster?

  15. avatar
    harleydavidson 06/11/2012 14:14

    funny. i was just reflecting back on my weekend and realized that two things i did not do were crash a vehicle and fuck a coke whore.

    kind of incomplete now that i think abuot it.

  16. avatar
    Rok 06/11/2012 14:15

    Finkle,

    Does this look swollen to you?

  17. avatar
    Observer 06/11/2012 15:15

    Luckily Lohan only suffered head injuries……..so she’ll be fine…..

  18. avatar
    Bonnie 06/11/2012 20:19

    @Rok, i love watching Kate Upton doing the “cat daddy”and i’m STRAIGHT!

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