Celebrity news stories are often described as “shocking”, and they almost never are, but this one might be because after five seemingly happy years of marriage, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce.
People magazine says…
“This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family,” says Holmes’s attorney. “Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.”
(Cruise), 49, wed Holmes, 33, in an Italian castle in November 2006. They have a daughter Suri, 6.
This was Holmes’s first marriage and the third for Cruise, who previously was married to Nicole Kidman, with whom he has two children, and Mimi Rogers.
Cruise was famously accused of being pressured by Scientology to divorce Kidman right before their 10 year anniversary, which started a very public fight about when they actually separated. Under California law, after 10 years of marriage, Cruise would have lost more in the settlement and had to pay alimony until Kidman remarried.
So maybe Scientology is behind this divorce too. Maybe they don’t need Katie anymore. Maybe Suri is already strong enough in her training to take on Xenu and his Galactic Confederacy, and the time to strike back is now!
SURPRISING UPDATE – TMZ now adds that it was Holmes who filed for divorce, she wants sole custody of Suri, and Cruise was completely “blindsided” by all of this. This is why there are no good Scientologist quarterbacks. These dim fuckers have no pocket awareness.
I blame the children. You can tell they never liked Tom. Or Mister Cruise as they were told to refer to him.
L Ron Hubbard said to Tom Cruise in a vision from beyond the grave to “ditch the bitch and get yourself some straneg”
Now Tom will be free to marry John Travolta, and make their relationship official.
Wouldn’t surprise me. Scientology has been blackmailing him for years by threatening to expose that he’s gay. Katie’s gonna do just fine.
Every time Hammer writes a witty comment, this guy throws up a new thing and hardly any of y’all get to witness Hammer’s wit and awesomeawsity. This fucker is trying to keep Hammer down.
Lots of “maybes” in this story……
….like maybe Katie got sick of being ass-fucked whilst wearing an Eagle Scout uniform…???
…some girls have standards…
Roken…..
….17 DAYS…..!!!!!…………seriously…??
…do you need me to call P3epper and act as a go-between…??
Hammer thinks Katie was tired of pretending to be 5’6″.
They both seemed like weird people. It’s probably for the best. How much you wanna bet Cruise is going to show up with some crazy-hot supermodel to his next movie premier? Let the games begin…
Admiral…..@15:41……
….I hope he takes and Selena Gomez……and thus preserves her virginity for another 5 years (while I complete my sentencing and parole)
18 days today.
I never realized how much I liked fucking before.
Almost makes me wish i was still married, except for the bitch getting fatter, spending all my money, and of course the talking.
I think it was the talking that wrecked it.
Which seems unfair, since my penis never said anything.
The talking…..
….I laughed and laughed………..
……and I also have two daughters……
I’m fucking serious.
I swear to God if my ex would have kept her fucking cake-whole shut while I was trying to watch Hawaii Five-O, I’d still be fucking married.
How hard is it to wait until a commercial to share your dumb, goddman thoughts with me?
Jesus Christ!!
I guess all those Scientology courses didn’t make her grow that penis after all.
Hey guys!
Sup, Nutt?
Made through a day without electrocuting yourself?
Also,
When I get back to Chicago on the 16th, what are the chance your girlfriend can set me up with some skank friend of hers and we can double date?
Ahhhh the ole double date. Brings back fond memories of when I was 15.
Hey Rok. any day you wake up on the right side of the sod is a good one. My GF has a friend who is 21. Is that OK? She is an A cup but you can’t see ‘em when she is face down ass up.
I am totally up for a double date. Just don’t make her cry. I don’t want to listen to her all the way back to the western suburbs. Go easy on the lemon juice when you worm her.