Manti Te’o Turns to Fake Dead Girlfriend in Wake of Dramatic Drop in NFL Draft

Where would you turn? This Heisman hopeful and all but certain NFL first round draft pick just a few months ago was skipped over entirely by all 32 teams in the coveted first round. Your coaches aren’t going to understand. Your family who’s been counting on this day since you were in Pee Wee ball won’t give you comfort. The media is only going to ask you brutal questions. You’ve got to turn to the one person who’s always been there for you, through thick and thin. Your fake dead girlfriend. Lenay Kekua. And like a fucking champ, despite having black lung disease and recently being in a hot air balloon collision, Lenay got right onto a seven hour call with Manti Te’o to lift his spirits and help him release some frustration. Sadly, just moments after the love birds hung up the phone, Lenay’s cousin called to tell Manti that his fake dead girlfriend had died again. It really was a rough day for the Polynesian linebacker.