Lindsay Lohan Rehab Beach View Upgrade

I guess Lindsay was really good at air-hockey and smuggling in smokes, because she’s earned out of the Betty Ford clinic and into some life-affirming named rehab center in Malibu to finish out her court-ordered lockdown. Which makes sense, since Malibu is the world’s celebrity drinking and drug capital. Expect Lindsay to fashion a rope line between her bedroom and the home of one of the Marvin Davis grandkids within two hours of arrival. She need only dig fifty feet deep to reach an ocean escape route and her vodka-bottle shaped personal submarine idling offshore. This is like putting Lex Luthor at a minimum security honor ranch. Her pillow won’t even get warm.