Lamar Odom Totally Unsubstantiated Crack Whoring Disappearance Day 4!

According to TMZ, which utilizes journalistic standards similar to my own, so, not so much on the fact checking and such:

Lamar Odom has vanished and everyone in his life fears the worst — that he’s off somewhere on a drug binge … TMZ has learned.

I like how they learn things. It sounds so much better than Kris Jenner called us to peddle some shit about Lamar being a crack whoring drug addict. And that Lamar has been missing from his wife Khloe Kardashian’s embrace for over 72 hours without any knowledge of his whereabouts.

Apparently, this disappearance has set the Kardashian household completely into chaos, mostly as Kris Jenner tries to figure out how to spin it into a money making saga. Step one. Spin story in the media. Complete. Step two. Act panicked. Trumped up panic makes for ratings and monetizable compassion from the double-digit IQ core Kardashian demographic. Step three, get a fracking baby into Khloe and now. A victimized wife wondering what’s become of her missing husband is one thing; the same wife with a baby inside of her is pure fucking TV gold. Right this second Ryan Seacrest is lying across a chaise lounge chair with his dog Peppermint tonguing his ass as he runs through potential E! specials. If Lamar croaks, there’s going to be a book, from Khloe, in her own words, written by a guy who isn’t Khloe. The machine is in motion.

Meanwhile, Lamar’s people claim that the Kardashians know exactly where Lamar is and TMZ is full of it. Also, basketball analysts at least have the intelligence to wonder how Lamar could carry on a two-year crack binge and not get caught by NBA drug testing, especially since Lamar is on the higher class of testing due to previous marijuana involvement.

To date, zero substantiated evidence that Lamar is a crack fiend who’s forsaken his wife for the rock or that his wife doesn’t know where he is and is desperately searching for him. Those may both prove to be true, but I bet they don’t.