What the hell do you tell your kids? Santa isn't real or he is real and he's dry humping that painted platypus you love so much onstage. Miley Cyrus spent her stage time at iHeart Jingle Balls thing dirty dancing with her cranky midget in between grinding her ass on St. Nick's skinny. The whole Boschian menagerie designed to divert attention from the fact that Miley spent her last genie wish on getting her her mom and Bret Michaels together for a reunion fuck rather than a decent singing voice for herself. That's selfless enough to get Miley onto Santa's nice list this year, as if taking Kringle splooge on the backside of her elf costume wasn't enough. Go explain that to your kids.
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