Chris Brown Ruined New Year’s From Rehab

The staff at Malibu Anger Rehab allows in-patients a half-hour on the villa’s front lawn each day to recreate as they please. Most end up gnawing viciously on the grass and cursing out their whore-bitch of a mother cunt, Chris Brown let his girlfriend chew on his tongue for a New Year’s photo. Chris told Karrueche Tran to keep on biting until the flood of memories of his childhood rapes had all passed before his eyes. It can take some time if all the various farm animals and inanimate objects are included. When it was all over, Karrueche Tran posted the photos to Twitter with the following genius poem:

Getting chrae on New Years Day

I’m pretty certain that’s iambic pentameter. I’m sure it sounds like a rhyme when spoken in her voice. I suspect it won’t be for some time before Karrueche realizes that her future dating pool now consists entirely of men who have no access to the Internet.