The New York Daily News Spooges Over Vogue Spooging Over Lena Dunham

By Lex January 15, 2014 @ 6:06 PM

Obviously, Lena Dunham is a hella sexy beast. Just look at that modern day Mama Cass splayed across the bed like the world’s most sticky throw rug. According to the New York Daily News columnist Zayda Rivera, that’s not all you simply can’t deny about Lena:

There’s no denying Dunham’s unwavering talent and how far she’s come from her days as a shy and maybe even awkward kid growing up in New York City.

Fuck, who would deny the obvious? Unwavering? How about majestic and delivered from the hand of God himself?. Zayda felt the need to pile on the compliments for new Vogue cover girl, Lena Dunham, who the magazine dubs as the new queen of comedy. Somewhere Melissa McCarthy is angrily consuming hot dogs like Joey Chestnut and figuring out how to get some reasonably legitimate medium to show off her tits. While Vogue editor Anna Wintour may not be a fan of Kim Kardashian, she’s been infatuated with Lena Dunham since first her chilled and bony hand shook Lena’s flabby dominant paw at a Vogue charity event last Fall.

If you can wind your way past the Vogue photos of Lena without masturbating yourself into Catholic Hades, you can learn about how Lena was a socially outcast literary genius from an early age, penning poems and plays when other kids were still shitting their diapers;

All my plays were about abortion clinics — girls waiting in an abortion clinic, trying to make the Big Decision.

Lena, you are a true cut up. I wish we could hang. Maybe Zayda and I can scratch away the calloused dead skin from your heels while you regale us with further tales of young life as a feminist prodigy with unwanted pregnancy yearnings. Then when people ask me what made me vomit first, the scaly foot skin or the pompous stories, I can honestly be undecided.

(9) Comments

  1. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 01/15/2014 18:55

    The awfulness of Lena Dunham cannot be contained in a single post. We may need dozens more of these Lex. They don’t get old.

  2. avatar
    aquanetta jones 01/15/2014 19:29

    I was enjoying a nice salmon filet and opened up the site to this disgusting post…I swear I immediately smelled the stench of a thousand dead & dying orcas…

  3. avatar
    Beylerbey 01/15/2014 19:38

    Dunham isn’t happy unless people are shitting on her. Talentless hacks have been rationalizing criticism as vindication for years. The closer she gets, the more we gag, the more it confirms that “people just can’t handle me.” Controversy is all.

    I imagine they saw a lot of this shit in 5th century Rome as well.

  4. avatar
    Ernst Stavro Blofeld 01/15/2014 19:46

    Careful, Lex. You might incur the wrath of Lena’s personal internet white knight defender in all things, Devin Faraci of *snicker* Badass Digest. He might call you a misogynist, right after he listens to one of his many female friends crying on his shoulder about the bad boy she puts out for, interjecting occasionally with “what a dick” or “what a jerk” or “I warned you about him, didn’t I?” But just when Devin thinks he might have weaseled sex out of her, she’ll receive a text from said bad boy and rush over to his place to sit on his meat while poor Devin is left alone, with only the company of his facial-girth-concealing beard. His hand will creep towards his little, anxious pud, sweating and slick from being crushed in between his thick, flabby thighs. From there, “badass” Devin will stroke it to completion, thinking glorious thoughts of sitting in front of a press conference himself, right beside Lena Dunham herself, a freshly-minted executive producer of GIRLS spinoff, WOMEN, and gallantly yelling “MYSOGYNIST” at any male reporter you crosses the line and asks a tough question. His beard will be speckled in spit, his temple throbbing, but he’ll know he did the right thing.

  5. avatar
    Admiral 01/15/2014 20:03

    Liberalism is like a disease and a religion rolled into one.

  6. avatar
    Al Bundy 01/16/2014 01:25

    How the hell is the fact that this photo was insanely photoshopped not mentioned at all in the posting ???

  7. avatar
    TitsAreNice 01/16/2014 09:57

    I’d rather eat her shit than try to rationalize how Lex is still allowed to post anything on the internet.

  8. avatar
    Raymond K. Hessel 01/16/2014 11:52

    I love you, Admiral…

  9. avatar
    One More Gun 01/16/2014 12:20

    Shame on you men, for not achieving a jeans-tearing erection at the site of Lena. Your hundreds of thousands of years of natural instincts regarding mate-selection is no excuse.

You must be to post a comment.