James Franco Denies Porking Lindsay Lohan

By Jack March 28, 2014 @ 12:27 PM

Overexposed human tampon James Franco is denying claims that he doinked Lindsay Lohan. Franco’s name appears alongside other useless Hollywood pretty looking men like Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake, and Orlando Bloom on a list of the people Lindsay has tried to unleash her herp upon. According to Franco they are just friends and her list is basically a steaming pile of shit, just like her movies. He says,

“Lindsay herself has told lies about me with her people-she’s-slept-with list…I mean, I don’t want to brag about it,” he said. “I don’t know how that got out … She was having issues even then, so you feel weird. Honestly, she was a friend. I’ve met a lot of people that are troubled and sometimes you don’t want to do that.”

This is in spite of the fact that Franco just wrote poems about Lohan in his latest book of shitty poetry. In my experience of dudes who feel obliged to pen poetry, you really only write about girls who’ve gobbled your knob, or you really wish would do so. Look, I get it, you fucked Lindsay Lohan and you are ashamed of it. We’ve all planted our flags in god forsaken lands we wish we could disremember. And there surely was no more forsaken plot of land than Lindsay Lohan’s Vodka-soaked snatch patch circa 2007. But own up to it. You’ve already come out as not gay, which disappointed the large majority of your male fans who dream of running their dicks through your hair. Seal the deal by admitting you railed Lindsay, then repeatedly punched Zac Efron in the neck until he took seconds. Honesty really is the best policy.

wwtdd

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    Allswell 03/28/2014 15:02

    I told her to call me Prince of Persia

  2. avatar
    Admiral 03/28/2014 15:24

    I would have screwed Lohan back in the day. She has a nice rack and she seems like she would be enthusiastic. I wouldn’t want to throw my sausage down that hallway today, but years ago – sure.

  3. avatar
    Beylerbey 03/28/2014 20:23

    I’d still be proud. But then, my track record is pretty horrific.

  4. avatar
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