George Clooney Is Actually Engaged

By Travis April 28, 2014 @ 9:00 AM

Having long been one of Hollywood’s leading authorities on how to point at any woman on the planet and instantly make her undress, it seems that George Clooney is finally doing the unthinkable and hanging up his bachelor pants. After the rumors that he kicked Stacy Keibler to the curb because she demanded marriage and a baby, Clooney has reportedly asked his British lawyer girlfriend, Amal Alamuddin, to marry him after they spent the last seven months traveling the world together for random exotic vacations. And while they haven’t announced anything yet, Amal has been seen wearing a big ring, and that’s all that us nosey assholes need for confirmation these days.

This news means that Leonardo DiCaprio is now the world’s foremost celebrity bachelor, and we will try to ask him for a comment as he wakes up and crawls out of whichever supermodel’s cervix he fell asleep inside last night.

Photo Credits: Getty

(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    PudKnocker 04/28/2014 09:53

    Look at her eyes and eyebrows, especially, but also her nose and strong chin. She looks just like George Clooney. He’s marrying himself! But with bigger man boobs.

  2. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 04/28/2014 10:04

    Well, she’s a liberal’s wet dream: certified member of the globalist elite, went to all the finest schools, and best of all, her skin is brown.

    I sure hope Stacy Keibler hunts them down and gives them both the stomping they deserve.

  3. avatar
    Admiral 04/28/2014 11:30

    Cloony has a boner for lawyers. His BFF Obama is a lawyer, too. She will be the key to his eventual run for some kind of government office.

  4. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 04/28/2014 11:56

    Admiral, technically Obama is not a lawyer. He and Moochelle both gave up their licenses years ago.

  5. avatar
    Al Bundy 04/28/2014 17:43

    Of all the women he’s had, this is the one he picks???

  6. avatar
    Beylerbey 04/28/2014 19:17


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