I don’t know who else is in here. Damn, I want to be Photoshopped like Minnie Driver. I could be a god. You can’t even see her brown tooth or that plate of St. Louis style ribs she ate in ’98 that stuck around her hips. Sorry, Minnie, please don’t quit Twitter again. There’s Channing Tatum’s wife. She looks good. Let’s be honest, we all thought he was gay. Nia Long, she’s in all those movies I don’t go to see because I’m too white, but she’s good looking even without the airbrushing. I saw her once at Whole Foods buying produce. I was buying those muffins that go bad in twenty minutes just like when muffins were awesome back in the 19th century and everybody died by forty. Kristen Bell. Hmm, her boobs got bigger. Must be God’s way of thanking her for doing so many profoundly good deeds. This Allure magazine is really the bomb. It’s like Maxim, but with good looking celebrities.
Photo Credit: Allure