I don’t care if you’re trying to shut up your 50-year younger Latina hooker so you can keep your NBA franchise or your old lady’s feisty little sister tried to kick your ass in an elevator, you can never go wrong with a big-ass blood diamond to squelch that nonsense. After Solange Knowles and her Ninja afro tried to take out Jay-Z in an elevator, it was clear that an expensive rapprochement was in order. Jay-Z must’ve recalled when Kobe accidentally ass-raped that hotel concierge in Colorado and then had to buy his wife a million dollar ring to get her to tell the press that Kobe was the sweetest kindest ass-rapist she’d ever known. So Jay-Z was reportedly spotted taking Solange into a jewelry store in Manhattan for a little browsing. Lots of guys wouldn’t put up with being girl assaulted by their sister-in-law, but Jay-Z didn’t get to where he is today by not taking the rapper road less rapper traveled. Just buy them some bling and shut them the fuck up so you can go back to work. I’d vote Jay-Z for President.
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