Kate Upton Is a Sex Object (VIDEO)

By Lex May 05, 2014 @ 12:10 PM

In my experience, model shoots take three people. Me, the model, and her steroid freak boyfriend with the surly stare. Sports Illustrated runs about twenty deep on their shoots. You need lots of girls running around adjusting Kate’s tits and at least a half dozen gay males to be overly anxious about losing the light for the day. There’s even a woman who blows on Kate’s nipples when fans are not feasible on location. There’s no doubt that Kate is the circus master. She’s got this whole not a sex object look at my titties thing down cold. She could just take some topless selfies in her toilet at home and give us what we want, but then who would the urchin kids of Costa Rica sell their Orange Fantas to?

Photo credit: Swim Daily / Sports Illustrated

(3) Comments

  1. avatar
    MacDaddy 05/05/2014 12:45

    One day she will be mine…all Mine!!! Muwwhahahahaha

  2. avatar
    DrainBammage 05/05/2014 14:40

    Those are some fine, fine t1tties.
    A1 grade motorboating material.

    But her blocky bottom half looks like shit from the front..
    Ride a bike, rollerblade…. lay off the double cheeseburgers.
    How the hell can you make your living on your body and be square shaped like that?
    Then again, for the breast men, thats not a problem.
    Ass and leg guys on the other hand….

    Luckily, she had her annoying beard there to make her sound less annoying than usual.

  3. avatar
    Beylerbey 05/05/2014 14:56

    The problem for the breast men is that Lil’ Cow’s gut is rapidly gaining ground on her chest. Eventually she’ll become the thickset trailer park mama she was meant to be (think Mindy McCready toward the end of her life) and many of us will be scratching our heads wondering what that whole “modeling” thing was about. Here’s hoping she’s been socking her cash away.

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