Look at this, George Clooney. This was your girlfriend a couple or three model girlfriends ago. Look at her, dammit. I don’t care about your fancy I Heart U Obama parties or how Brad Pitt comes to your sleepovers or when you grab some basketball players and blather about the Sudan, like that’s a real place. What I do care about is you voluntarily giving up the gift God gave you to bone the shit out of hot women with accents until the day they lay you in the ground. With Viagra and healthy living easily another fifteen years of compiling one of the most profound cocksmen diaries in modern history. Now you’re getting married. I get it. She’s Lebanese and a human rights attorney and speaks Arabic and defended the WikiLeaks albino rapist and joins you in her certainty that the Bush Family and the Trilateral Commission and the Zionists are building a giant lava gun at the core of the earth. But, man, think of all the European model pussy you are foregoing to feed the wrong part of your ego. It’s a shanda.
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