North West In Lockdown

By Matt June 06, 2014 @ 9:41 AM

Kanye-Carries-Baby-North
Kanye West is beefing up the security detail  for his most closely approximating legitimate child, North. He wants to build a zone of privacy around his daughter from the shutterbugs and voyeurs and Satan to whom he promised his first born in exchange for this whole inexplicable career success. Kanye joins the ranks of celebrities unable to perceive the irony that disturbingly invasive levels of media exposure are what’s putting organic food on his kid’s table.

I thought recently we all had gathered behind Kristen Bell and her carbon neutral cubicle wall and agreed that there would be no more photo taking of the celebrity kids. Much to the chagrin of the 1.8 million American moms for whom celebrity baby leering is their primary form of sexual expression. By assigning a POTUS level security detail to his spawn, Kanye has taken the first step in sealing North’s fate as an out of touch delusional entitled cunt of an infant. Those are tough words, but I’m 8-0 in fist fights with babies.

Babies don’t need security guards, they need love from their parents. That one man who bent that one woman over the hood of his Ferrari and told her to call him Yeezus while he made her sticky. All the nannies in the world won’t replace the love of parents who are generally available by Skype up until the clubs open up.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

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