Elisabetta Canalis in A White Bikini

I can’t help but feel George Clooney missed out on this one. I know models like to talk about scarves and plot revenge against the bitch that stole their mascara and stare at dots on the walls for hours wondering if they’re bugs. But that’s a good, simple companion. Like a cocker-spaniel that has great tits and loves sex in months when they’re eating. I understand the twisted arrogant mind of George Clooney thinking he needs a radical lawyer wife to be his equal at swank parties with hors d’oeuvres served in spoons. But chicks with big brains and global ambitions are the kind you admire watching in Angelina Jolie bio pics. You don’t want Indira Ghandi living in your home. You want the hot model who heard from a friend that sucking your johnson will make her thinner. I really need to write an advice column.

Photo Credit: Splash