Ellen’s vagina is the psychoactive toad of lesbian Hollywood. It made Anne Heche crazy, well, more crazy. Portia de Rossi is now experiencing the long term effects of having her face directed between her older wife’s pant-suited thighs and told to help mama relax. Portia has started chugging diet wine coolers and screaming to the unsullied house staff that Ellen is controlling and manipulative. She also was ranting about Ellen being ‘too close’ with Sofia Vergara. Ellen suggested that Portia spend a month in a special rehab run by Franciscan nuns with 3D printed carbon fiber rulers. After being threatened with loss of her shoe allowance, Portia agreed a little rubber room time with chamomile tea breaks would be good for her complexion.
New reports now claim that Portia was secretly filming the fights she had with Ellen to show how abusive the day time talk show host was behind closed doors. Portia threatened to release the tapes to the public who would run, not walk to watch thirty-seven hours of chicks in Tevas being emotionally distant and unsupportive. Ellen’s camp, not the same camp where grade school Ellen talked girls into letting her touch their privates, are insisting that the couple are coming along nicely in trying to repair their damaged relationship. I take that to mean Cobra assembled in the solarium to figure out how to load Portia full of Xanax and drive her off of Mulholland in a staged accident.
Photo credit: Splash News